What Happiness Looks Like (Promises) (4 page)

He looked into the distance. “Because I know there was a time when hearing that I’d gotten a girl pregnant would’ve been the worst news in the whole world, but now that I’m older, I almost wish I had. I’d love it if somehow magically I found out I had a long, lost child that I never knew about. Of course it would suck that I’d missed out on the early years, but I want to be a dad so badly.”

“What the hell were you thinking?”

He looked stunned, his eyes and mouth wide. “I thought it was the right thing to do.”

She sprang to her feet. “No, you’re selfish. You were thinking about what you want. Well, I’m the one who gets to decide what’s right for Anna. Now you’ve gone and screwed with our lives and things might not ever be right again.” She picked up her crackers and threw them into the sink, knowing the mess would irk Kate when she saw it. “It’s like you and Kate don’t respect me at all!”

“That’s not true. I understand Jake’s point of view.”

“And I understand the point of view that matters. Because I’m her mother. Her only real parent.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

JOELY

Joely didn’t know what to do. The next morning after she dropped Anna at school, she longed for the days when she could go for a run. Due to the pain in her knees, she could only walk, which wasn’t nearly as exhilarating, but it might help her think. She decided she’d better bring her cane.

Once outside, she noticed the air smelled of dirt and mulch. An elderly woman knelt in a nearby garden, planting flats of pansies. The brisk wind stung Joely’s cheeks as she glanced up at the sky. It looked as if it couldn’t decide whether it wanted to storm or allow the sun to shine. March was a month of contradictions—promises for better days, sometimes fulfilled, often broken. Was the disappointment worth it in the end?

Speaking of disappointments, what was she going to say to Anna? ‘Hey, your dad’s in town. But don’t get too attached because he’s leaving again soon.’ Anna already wondered why Joely didn’t have any wedding pictures like all of her friends’ parents. She didn’t understand how Joely’s relationship with Jake had been a mistake, yet Anna’s birth had been a miracle. The shining star in the darkest time of Joely’s life.

She saw a yellow school bus stop near a house with tulips popping up in its yard. Two boys ran out of the front door, backpacks in hand, not even noticing their mom waving behind them. A moment later, a man she presumed to be their dad, dressed in a long-sleeved shirt and tie, appeared in the doorway. “Wait! You forgot your lunch money.” The boys stopped and the taller one rushed toward their dad, taking the bills, then handing some to his little brother. Both parents waved and watched the boys board the bus before going back inside. A moment later, the garage door opened and Joely saw the man put a brief case in a minivan and the woman climb into a Volvo.

Wow. Co-parenting did exist.

Joely needed to know what Jake wanted. Was he going to ask for joint custody? Was he going to try and take Anna away from her? Or was he stopping by on his vacation? All options pissed her off. Anna deserved a father, a real man to step up to the plate.

By the time she made it around the block, she had more questions than answers. She unlocked the front door and pulled off her shoes by stepping on each heel. After she opened the foyer closet, she eyed Kate’s cubbyholes. It would hurt even more to bend down. She kicked her shoes into the closet, propped her cane inside then sat on the carpeted stairs to rest.

How could she get a hold of Jake? It might be too late. Maybe he already caught a flight home after she rejected him. Why had she been so shortsighted, dropping his business card in the coffee?

Oh, wait! Mitch had reminded her that she still had Jake’s old business card tucked away in the back of her jewelry box. Grasping the handrail, she walked up the steps.

She lifted the lid of the maple jewelry box her dad had made for her. He’d carved a bouquet of daisies onto the hinged lid. Normally, she spent time admiring her dad’s craftsmanship, but today she anxiously dug through her earrings and pulled out the 2” x 3 1/2” card. She read the embossed letters: “Jake Mahoney, CPA, San Diego, CA.”

“Are you still here, Kate?” She checked the master bedroom to make sure Kate had left for work. Sometimes her sister didn’t go in right away if she didn’t have any clients scheduled. Working in private practice allowed more flexibility in hours than when she’d counseled in the schools. Today, like most days, Kate’s room looked ready for a photo shoot—the pillow shams piled neatly on the damask comforter, the matching drapes pulled open, and the floor lined with fresh vacuum tracks. But no Kate.

After returning to her bedroom, Joely sat on her unmade bed and dialed the phone. “Hello. I’m trying to get a hold of Jake Mahoney.”

“Uh, are you a client?” a young female voice asked.

“No. I’m. . .” She wasn’t sure how to identify herself. She and Jake had been college sweethearts, engaged their senior year. That seemed like a lifetime ago. “I’m an old friend. I know he’s on vacation so I need his cell phone number.”

“I’m afraid I can’t help you.” Her tone perfunctory.

He hadn’t mentioned switching firms, but a lot could happen in five years. Joely plucked her thumb along the business card’s edge, like she was picking a guitar string. “He does still work there, doesn’t he?”

Silence filled the line.

Joely sighed, still plucking. “I really need to get a hold of him. Does he work at a different firm?”

“No.” The young woman paused then spoke quietly, as if sharing a secret. “He took a leave of absence after he. . . lost his family. If you’re a friend, you know about that, right?”

Joely dropped the business card next to the prescription bottles on her nightstand. Jake had taken a leave of absence after his divorce? Odd, considering he’d told her he’d never loved his wife, said it was a shotgun wedding. Somehow she’d used that information to justify their affair.

Again she berated herself for her recklessness, at her total disregard for another woman’s feelings. Leaning forward, she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Yes, I know about his family. When will he be back?”

“I don’t think he will be. Last I heard, he’d moved to the Midwest.”

# # #

“You lied to me,” Joely said, standing toe-to-toe with Jake in the bustling lobby of his hotel.

“I did not. You assumed that I still lived in California and I didn’t correct you.”

After getting nowhere with Jake’s former employer, Joely had looked up his parents’ phone number on the Internet. Fortunately, his mother hadn’t answered since the woman had always looked down her nose at Joely. His father had given her Jake’s cell and she’d located Jake just in the next town, staying in a three-star hotel. It would’ve been a four-star, she knew, but he’d have to travel a couple of hours for that level of service.

Joely spewed her anger. “You are the king of omission, aren’t you? You said you didn’t want kids even though you did, you said you loved me even though you’d married someone else. And now you say you want to be Anna’s dad. Why the hell should I believe anything you say? You can’t even be honest about what state you live in.”

Three men dressed in suits, pulling their luggage behind them, headed toward the parking lot. The rolling wheels on the tiled floor combined with their voices echoed so loud that Jake waited for them to pass before speaking. The men’s laughter rose to a crescendo. They were happy to be on their way home to their families, she thought.

Jake dropped his eyes and breathed deeply. “Something happened, something terrible, and I don’t like to talk about it.”

“If you mean the divorce, that’s not a big deal. Lots of people get divorced.”

“That’s not it. I mean that’s part of it.”

She heard the automatic doors slide open, then closed. “If you don’t start telling me the truth, I’m walking out that door. I don’t need you anymore.”

A couple surrounded by four kids entered the lobby. They were all wearing sunglasses and vacation smiles. Jake’s focus shifted to the family, then returned to Joely. “But what does Anna need?”

She crossed her arms. “That’s not fair. You haven’t cared about Anna for five years. Why now?”

He paused and looked around. A second later, he tilted his head toward the far corner of the lobby. It would probably be quieter, she figured. She followed him past a large gilded mirror that reflected the long line at the check-in desk.

Once away from the front doors, Jake swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. He lowered his voice. “I got divorced and I’m ashamed to admit, I went on with my life. I worked long hours, saw the twins on the weekends when it fit my schedule.”

“This story isn’t helping your case, you know.”

He nodded. “The twins begged me to come to their place for their mother’s birthday. Well, I didn’t want to, knowing it would be awkward. I think they were hoping we’d get back together. They were seven years old. . . . So I went out on a date that night instead.” He cracked his knuckles. “That night their house caught fire.”

Joely gasped.

“They all died from smoke inhalation.” His unshaven jaw twitched. “My children. . .my little boy and my little girl. . . I will never see them again.” He looked away.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry.” She fought the urge to hug him, like she would if anyone else had told her such news. Instead she covered her mouth with her hand.

He pushed the palm of his hand against each eye. Blinking, he took a deep breath. “I kind of fell apart after that. I couldn’t focus at work. I didn’t know what to do with myself when I wasn’t at the office.” He swallowed again. “Eventually, I made mistakes on a balance sheet and they told me to take some time off. They should’ve fired me, but didn’t have the heart to do it.”

“When was this?”

“Three weeks ago.” He cracked the knuckles on his other hand. “I put my house on the market and moved back in with my parents.”

Now that she thought about it, his untrimmed beard looked like a few weeks’ worth of growth. And he had never let his sandy hair creep over the top of his ears. He usually epitomized the sexy, clean-cut look. Instead, he had started to let himself go.

He had often talked about returning to his hometown, but to move in with his parents didn’t sound like him. He’d always been so independent, so strong. He must be devastated.

She looked up at him. “I’m so sorry.”

He nodded. “I’ve heard that a lot. There really isn’t anything anyone can say to make me feel better. I was a horrible husband and father and I didn’t care. But now I do.”

That was why he suddenly wanted a starring role in their daughter’s life. “Anna is not a consolation prize. She’s a little girl who idolizes her dad. A little girl who needs reassurance that her dad loves her. This can’t be about you.” Just like it couldn’t be about Mitch or Kate or even Joely. Because if it was about Joely, she’d never see or speak to Jake again.

His chest rose as it filled with air. “You’re right.”

“Tell me what you want. Do you want to stop by and say hi to ease your conscience? If so, don’t bother.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets, one of his nervous habits. “I’d like to be as involved as you’ll let me be.”

She looked away and watched a frustrated customer chew out a bellhop. Biting her thumbnail, she shook her head. “How can you do that when you live in Michigan or California or wherever you decide to hang your hat?”

“I can visit on the weekends. I’d like to go to Dads’ Nights and be here to celebrate her birthday and take her to Chuck E. Cheese.”

“What about the other stuff—the less fun stuff?” With her elbows bent, palms upward, she emphasized her words with her hands. “Being a parent means putting a cold wash cloth on her forehead when she has a fever. Cleaning up vomit in the car seat. Taking her to the ER when she falls off the monkey bars.” Joely had done all of that and more. Fortunately, the fall hadn’t resulted in a broken arm, as she’d feared. But she’d faced it all alone.

He jingled the keys in his pocket. “You can call me for all of that.”

Joely’s throat made a “Ha” sound. Jake’s family didn’t deal with messy very well. He’d grown up with a maid to clean his room and the nanny was the one who’d taken him to get stitches after a fishhook came dangerously close to his eye. She definitely couldn’t imagine him nursing Anna when she was at her worst—crying or whining or throwing up.

He fiddled with his keys some more, keeping his eyes focused on hers. “I’d like to have regular visitation and do my part.”

“I am sorry you lost your family. . .” She was about ready to add “but” when the tragedy sank in. He’d really lost them. What would she do if Anna died? Her throat constricted. She could barely breathe.

Maybe unforeseen deaths, a personal tragedy, could change Jake for the better. Plus the lawyer said she didn’t really have a choice. “If I let you meet her. . .” Did she dare trust him? She looked up, hoping to God she wouldn’t regret this. “You have to stick around. For at least the next fifteen years.”

Jake reached over and warmed her hand with his. “I’m ready.”

Joely reclaimed her hand and pointed her finger at him. “I’m serious. Years. If you start this, you finish.”

He stood up straight. “Don’t worry.” He ran his fingers through his blond hair, looking relieved. “Anna is the most important person in my life.”

Joely bit her lip hard. “How can you say that about someone you haven’t even met?”