Read When Parents Text: So Much Said...So Little Understood Online
Authors: Sophia Fraioli,Lauren Kaelin
When Parents Text: So Much Said...So Little Understood (16 page)
“Something funny happened to my friend,” I said. “He accidentally told his brother that Dumbledore died.”
I cannot even begin to describe the looks of shock on their faces.
To this day, they still haven’t forgiven me for that misstep.
We’ve been a little surprised about the number of texts that specifically reference Harry Potter, but I guess it makes sense. Families take their HP very seriously.
Dildodorf
MOM
: Is dildodorf dead
ME
: ROFL dumbledore is dead, yes
MOM
: And snake man is dead also
Siriusly Great
MOM
: Did you see the new harry potter movie yet?
MOM
: I bought it the day it came out
MOM
: It’s SIRIUSLY great!!!!!
MOM
: Did you get that last hp reference?
MOM
: I replaced serious with Sirius
MOM
: Funny, right?
ME
: MOM, im still in school
Doopy
MOM
: v r in the harry po movie. doopy is dead.
Horcruxes
MOM
: In Harry Potter what did they call the 7 things that Voldemort hid his soul in? And didnt Dumbledore die from drinking that stuff Harry gave him with the shell?
Scar Face
MOM
: Harry Potter out on video april 15
ME
: weeee!
MOM
: Would have been nice to see it in a theater z8) that’s harry with his scar and glasses!
Hearing Aid
GRANDPA
: I finished the harry potter movie. Couldnt hear half of it because my hearing aid fell out but it was visually stimulating. But not as visually stimulating as Avatar. What is Voldamert’s purpose in life?
Dementors
MOM
: i so so so tires
MOM
: tired LOL
MOM
: i feel like those things on harry potter that suck the life or soul out of you. except im not the sucker just drained man.
Hedwig
ME
: looked at the apartment, second room way too small. harry potter room-sized small.
MOM
: ok…. ill send you an owl…… (8> lol there
House Elves
MOM
: Dobbie :(((((
ME
: What?
MOM
: Brain fart. Just sad abt house elves
Albus
DAD
: Happiness can b found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to tuen on the light.~
ME
: Words of the wise Albus Dumbledore. I am so proud
DAD
: wow u r a muggle!
Harry Potter Guilt
MOM
: Well I guess since you’re an adult and a strong Christian, you could go see Harry Potter.
Muggles
DAD
: I’m a Muggle!
ME
: Do you even know what that is?
DAD
: HP taught me
DAD
: PS - I am magical....
Expelliarmus
DAD
: Ungardium leviosa, ladies!!
ME
: Do you mean wingardium leviosa?
DAD
: It’s levi OH sa, not LEVI oh sa
DAD
: And by that I mean I booked the tix 4 HP land. watch out 4 expeliarmus @ college.
Practicin
DAD
: Nevr insult Dumbleder in fron o me! Meant ter turn em into a pig, but i spose he wis so much liker pig anyway
DAD
: I’m practicin me Hagrid voice
There are some questions you just shouldn’t be asked.
26 CDs
DAD
: Can you find the song YMCA by the village people and make 26 cd’s of it for me by mid march?
Middle Name
MOM
: How do you spell your middle name?
American Girl Doll
MOM
: sorry to bother u. do u want your American doll 4 your kids? or donate? I respect your decision. Take your time to think about it.xox
A Website
ME
: can you please go on whenparentstext.com? It’s hilarious.
MOM
: that’s a website, right?
Discman Issues
MOM
: Why does the music stop when I take the cd out?
The iTunes Store
DAD
: would ya’ll take me to the itunes store…i don’t know where its located…is it on S. Congress?
One Eye
DAD
: Have fun paint ball ing? remember that you only have one eye? be careful that no one shoots you in the remaining eye?
ME
: Dad, i’m nearsighted in one eye, not blind…
DAD
: You know what I mean? I would hate for you to lose vision? that would affect you for the rest of your life? how do you make a period on my phone?
Mail
MOM
: Would you get the mail on your way in?
MOM
: Mail please?
MOM
: Could you get the mail?
ME
: this is the only thing you ever text me about.
MOM
: No. Sometimes I ask you to get the garbage cans too.
Yes
MOM
: Do you want a baby fox?
Animal Hoarders
DAD
: Does having beanie babies count as animal hoarding? If so we are guilty.
Netflicks
DAD
: Why can’t I find sebisquet on Netflicks?
Coordinates
MOM
: where are you?
ME
: home…
MOM
: what are your gps coordinates?
Eye Troubles
ME
: I just poked my eye out with mascara!
MOM
: I hate it when that happens. Do you still have that pirate eye patch?
Cat Lips
MOM
: Would it be weird to tell the neighbor his cat has nice lips?
ME
: um….yeah.
Prom Date
ME
: I think I’m about to get asked to prom!
DAD
: Grace, will you go to prom with me?
PDF
DAD
: L, could you PDF me a copy of your fall schedule? thx. luv, D.
Mambo Number 5
MOM
: Ben, I want to download Mambo number 5 from itunes. how. love mom
Wanna Take a Ride
MOM
: Listening to Lady Gaga’s new song
MOM
: What’s a disco stick?
ME
: Google it
Special 4 U
DAD
: I would like to take you to the opera, music concert, symphony, whatever u wish and is special 4 u. “Shrek the musical”? Dana Carvey Live?Beach Blanket Babylon?
Beaver
MOM
: Do you want to go see the Justin Beaver concert tommorow?
Shorty
MOM
: Hey so some girls at work and i were wondering what a “Shorty” is, is it like slang for penis?
ME
: umm no. not at all.
Yep, I Do
MOM
: do you know what a choad is?*
*Google
choad
or
chode.
For mature audiences only.
Garbanzo
MOM
: Have you ever noticed how much garbanzo beans look like little butts? Like being mooned by soup
Extras
MOM
: what do u wanna get ur friendz for xmas? coffe cake? ice cream? hoop earrings?
ME
: would my friends want any of those things?
MOM
: not sure, i have extra in the basement
“Lesbian” Shoes
MOM
: Dr Martens? Don’t you already have “lesbian” shoes?
