When You Know It's Real: Siah and Nonie (16 page)

A smile spread across my face, hearing her admit that. “I’m the only one, Kiz?”

She just rolled her eyes, but didn't answer. “I told you I don't want kids, Jock. That didn't change, and I’m not about to play myself by getting pregnant by somebody who doesn't know what they want.”

“Man, fuck that. I know what I want. I’m not the one debating about whether or not to stay with a nigga that’s got a kid by another bitch. That’s you, Kiz. How long you known me, three years, right? Out of those three years, we've been fucking for two. Have I ever disrespected you? Hell no, and you weren't even my girl, Kiz. That nigga went out and had a baby on you and he was your damn nigga. So how the fuck would I play you?”

“So what is Jahari then? You did the same thing he did.”

I laughed sarcastically. “Yeah, I got a son, Kiz. But difference is, I wasn't the one who was supposed to be holding you down. That nigga was. I tried, but you kept telling me he got you, and look how that shit turned out. Yeah, I slipped and had a son, but I didn't hide shit from you because I didn't have to. You’re not my girl, remember? How many times did you throw that shit in my face? So don't compare me to that nigga. I made it clear what I wanted from the beginning.”

I reached in my pocket and took the pill out. I placed it on her desk and moved to the door. “Take that shit if you want, but just know if you do, it's changing things with us. I ain't perfect, Kiz, but I’m damn sure better than that muthafucker you kept putting me off for. Whether you choose to admit it or not, you know it's true. Next move is on you, Kiz.”

I unlocked her door and walked out. I would be devastated if she took that shit, but I couldn't force a baby on her that she didn't want, so it was really up to her. I just hoped she made the right choice. It wasn't even likely that she was pregnant, but there was always the chance, and I wanted that chance with her. All I could do now was wait.

I sat there looking at the Plan B pill that Jock left on my desk, trying to decide what to do. Jock had my head all messed up with this stunt he just pulled, but I didn't have anyone to blame but myself. I knew he had feelings for me. It wasn't like he ever tried to hide it, but he was right, I had my head stuck so far up Red’s ass that I just couldn't make a decision about what was best for me.

“Hey baby, you okay?” Nonie asked when she stepped into my office. She picked up my picture frame and nameplate that I had knocked off my desk when Jock was screwing me into insanity.

“No,” I admitted. Kizzie was my girl, and there was no reason to lie to her. She knew all of my dirty little secrets and was basically my sounding board.

“Aww, babes. What’s wrong?”

I held my hand out with the pill in the center of my palm and Nonie looked at me confused.

“What’s that?”

“Plan B,” I said.

“Umm, okay. Jock?” She questioned even though she knew I hadn't been with Red after the whole hidden family incident.

He had been blowing up my phone and had even dropped by the office and my house a few times, but I was managing to avoid him. There wasn't really anything he could say that would make me want anything to do with him anymore.

“Yep.”

“He asked you to take that?” was her next question.

“Girl no, he was threatening me not to,” I laughed a little, thinking about his reaction.

“So, should I even ask why you have that?” Nonie walked over to my sofa and was about to sit down, but stopped. “Did you?” She frowned, waving her hand over the sofa.

“No, trick.”

Nonie laughed and sat down.

“I have it because I don't want kids, and Jock gets careless.”

“Kiz, if you don't want kids then you need to be more careful. I'm not judging or trying to preach, but that’s not the answer,” Nonie said, pointing to my hand where I was still holding the pill.

“I know that, and really I am, but this time was different. He just didn’t even try to stop it.”

Nonie nodded. “But if you know you don't want kids then what's the hold up? Take it.”

I balled up my fist before folding my arms and lowering my head into them on my desk.

“I don't know what I want. I mean it's not that I don't want kids, but I don't want to be some man’s fool.”

“You have to make that make sense for me, Kiz. I’m confused as hell right now.”

“How the hell can I make it make sense for you when I can't even make it make sense for me?” I whined before lifting my head to look at Nonie.

“Do you want to have a baby with Jock?”

“It's not that easy, Nonie. We’re not even together, and my life is all messed up right now. Why would I want to throw a baby in the middle of that? He already has one that’s connected to a situation.”

“Don't get me wrong, it's not like I’m saying you need to, but the truth is you can be with Jock if you want. You already know that, Kiz, and honestly, if you were pregnant we both know that he’s got you. The only reason why your life is so called messed up now is because you couldn't decide who or what you wanted. Just think about it. And as for that…” She pointed to my hand. “Do whatever you feel like you need to do, but when it comes to Jock, you need to stop playing around and either be in it or let him go. You can't have it both ways, boo. I love you, but you need to grow up, Kiz.”

I rolled my eyes and then laughed. “How do you love me but you're sitting in my face calling me childish?”

“That’s how you know I love you. If I'd didn't, I would be like I don't give a fuck, do what you want,” Nonie said with a smirk.

“So are we done being all up in my business so that we can move on to yours?” I asked.

We had our event with Laken in less than two days, and I wasn’t sure how that was going to play out. Our party was going to be on point and everything, but the fact that Siah was not feeling it meant problems. Nonie was trying to act like it wasn't a big deal, but it was.

“I don't have any business that we need to move on to,” she said, standing and waving me off.

“If you got Siah breaking down doors and shit, then you have business that we need to discuss.”

“I’m not worried about Siah, and you don't need to be either. We’ll do our job just like we always do, and make sure shit is popping. I'm more focused on making sure everything works out as planned.”

“Nonie, are you serious right now? You know that HRC will be there, which means that Siah will be there, because there is no way he’s going to let you be around Laken if he can't be right there to control the situation. So you need to think about that. Money is one thing, but you know Siah ain't wrapped too tight when it comes to anything concerning you. Try to play dumb if you want, and be ready to deal with the consequences.”

“I know he’ll be there, and like I said, I’m not worried about it. There's nothing going on with me and Laken, so Siah doesn't have any reason so act up.”

My girl sucked her teeth and made her way to my door. I chuckled because she was playing hard, but this was about to go all kinds of wrong. Laken and Siah both had something to prove, and she was sitting right in the middle of it. If she wasn't worried about it, she was either crazy or in denial. Didn't matter which one because they both were the wrong move for this situation.

*****

It had been an extremely long day, and all I could think about was climbing in my bed and catching up on some much needed rest and reruns. I hadn't heard from Jock, but I expected that since he had his son and he was kind of upset with me right now. It was cool though, I would eventually deal with him, but right now I just didn't have the energy to.

When I pulled up in my driveway and shut my car off, I was so mentally exhausted that I just sat there for a minute until I felt like I had the energy to get out. I quickly regretted that decision when I noticed Red pull in behind me.

“Shit.” I mumbled to myself when I checked my purse and realized that my baby girl was in the house resting in my safe. I prayed this fool wasn't on any bullshit because I really wasn't prepared to deal with it.

He got out, slammed his car door and moved to mine. I could already tell he had an attitude. Sad thing was he looked so damn sexy that I felt my body reacting, but I had to get it together. No way, no how was I about to deal with him and his little family issues.

“Get out the car, Kiz. We need to talk,” he yelled a few feet away from my door.”

“I don't have shit to say to you, so we don't need to do anything. You need to go buy some pampers or something.”

“Man, get out the damn car, Kiz. I’m not playing with your stupid ass. I told you that don't mean shit. It was one fuck up. How you gon’ let that affect what we have? It's not like I’m still fucking her. We just have a kid.”

I pushed my door once and it almost hit him, but he jumped back. “I don't care if you’re fucking her or not. That’s not my business because you’re not my business anymore.”

I shut my car door and pulled my purse up over my shoulder, thinking I was about to move past this fool, but he grabbed my arm and pinned me against my car.

“I’m your business, Kiz, just like you’re mine. That bullshit don't change a got damn thing and you know it. You really gon’ walk away just like that? No conversation, no explaining. You gon’ just be over it. I know better than that and so do you. You don't love me, Kizzie?”

I looked at this fool as he tried to kiss me, turned my head and laughed. “Whether or not I love you doesn’t really matter. What matters is you don't love me or you wouldn't have a kid with some bitch out of town. Now let me go so that I can go in my house.”

“So that nigga can have a kid and you still fucking with him, but I do the same shit and you got a problem with it?” Red yelled, pressing his body against mine and peering into my eyes.

“What are you talking about?” I already knew, but I didn't know how the hell he knew. I wasn't admitting shit.

“You think I’m stupid, Kiz? I know what the fuck you been doing, and I know that nigga got a kid too. I don't know how long you been fucking him, but I know you are. The streets talk, Kizzie. You don't think my people saw you and that nigga all up in Spotlight? You should be more careful if you trying to hide shit. So yeah, we’re gon’ have conversation and you’re not going anywhere. I fucked up and I apologize for that, but you’re mine and the only way that's changing is if you end up in a body bag.”

Is this fool threatening me?
“I think you need to go. You sound crazy right now, and I’m not the one,” I said, trying to keep calm.

Red laughed. “You haven't seen crazy yet, Kiz, but keep trying me and I promise you will.”

I was about to say something, but his phone went off for the third time and he finally reached in his pocket to get it. His body was still pressed against mine, holding me in place, but he used one hand to answer it.

“What? Fuck, when? Aight, start getting everything packed up. I’m on my way.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, thankful for whatever just took place while Red looked pissed. “I’ll be back, and we’re having that conversation. If you know what's best, you’ll be here because if I have to come looking for you, it will be a problem, Kiz.” Red tried to kiss me again, but I turned my face, which pissed him off. He grabbed my chin and held it long enough for his lips to press against mine, and then he let me go.

“Tonight, Kiz,” he said before he stepped away and started toward his car.

I watched as he backed out of the driveway and then I rushed into my house. I didn't know where the hell I was going, but I damn sure wasn't about to be here later when this fool got back.

As soon as I got in my house, I locked my door and headed straight to my room after getting my baby girl out the safe. I called Nonie to let her know I was heading to her house, while I started grabbing clothes for a few days. Red had another thing coming if he thought I was about to sit around waiting on his crazy ass.

After I had my things packed, I peeked out my front blinds to make sure the coast was clear before I left my house. I hopped in my car and made my way to Nonie's spot to make sure she was waiting for me when I got there. As far as I knew, Red didn't know where Nonie lived, so he wouldn't know to come looking for me there. He had never actually been to her house, and I was grateful for that.

“So, what now, Kiz?” Nonie asked as soon as I was in her house.

“I haven't really thought about that. I’m hoping he’ll eventually get the picture and just leave me alone.”

“Kiz, really? If he went through all this, then what makes you think he’s going to just let it go? You better tell Jock and let him handle it.”

“Hell no, I don't want that man’s blood on my hands. You know if I tell Jock that crazy fool is coming for me, then he’s going after him. They only know one way to handle things and that means somebody ain't walking away. I damn sure know it won't be Jock.”

“Just tell him to have a conversation with Red, he’ll do whatever you want, Kiz, you know that. But I’m not cool with him running up on you like that. You don't know what he might do.”

I followed Nonie to her room and tossed my bag on the floor. She had a guest room, but I was chilling in her room with her for a minute. Now that I was actually safe and had a chance to think, I was a little shaken by the way that Red had acted. I guess everybody has a little crazy in them. I just didn’t see him going that far.

I laid across the foot of Nonie's bed on my stomach with my feet in the air, ankles crossed, and she was next to me in the center sitting Indian style.

“I’m not doing that, Nonie. You know what a conversation means, and if Red came at me like that, how the hell you think he's going to react if Jock steps to him.”

“Who cares? Let Jock handle that, you know he will.”

“He knows.”

“Who knows?”

“Red asked me why I was accepting Jock having a kid but wasn't accepting the fact that he did.”

“Wait, how?”

“The hell if I know, but he damn sure said it. So I’m not telling Jock a damn thing. I’ll figure it out.”

“That’s not smart, boo. For now, you can stay here, but you know Jock is going to want to know why, so you’re gonna have to tell him, Kiz.”

I know, and I will worry about that later. For now, don't say anything, and don't tell Siah. You know he runs his mouth like a damn girl. He tells Jock everything.”

Nonie laughed, but I was dead ass serious. “Girl, leave Siah alone. It's no different than me telling you everything or you telling me everything. Besides, Jock be grilling him about you. It's some first forty-eight interrogation stuff going on, so it's not really his fault.’

“Mmhmm, just don’t tell him, how ’bout that?”

“Whatever, hoe.” Nonie shook her head and smiled, but she knew I was right.

I would tell Jock in my own time, for right now I just needed to make sure I stayed away from Red’s crazy ass and all would be well.