Writing a Wrong (5 page)

Alec and I sat on the sofa, drinking coffee while she played. The moment seemed so domestic and so adult-like. Watching Lily sitting on the floor, my throat began to feel like it was being squeezed. My heart, which just moments ago had felt satisfied, started to beat uncomfortably. Lily was the most precious thing in Alec's life. Hell, she was quickly becoming important to me, but the sudden weight of responsibility felt scary. This wasn't the first time Lily had stayed over, but it was the first time it felt like we were a family unit. A unit I was ill prepared to handle. My parents were equipped in that category. Not me. I was lucky Severus was vocal when it came to reminding me when he needed to be fed or that his cat box needed cleaning out. A child was a completely different story. Could I handle the responsibility of a child's happiness and well-being? Was I really mature enough?

Chapter 5

The week following Christmas was no less chaotic. I spent the time packing and making endless lists for Alec. Even though he said he would take care of Severus, I found myself leaving reminder notes on the fridge, the bathroom mirror, any place I knew he would see them. The plant he bought me officially bit the dust and ended up in the dumpster that morning, so that was one less thing he had to worry about. The sad thing was that tossing it only added to the insecurity I had been feeling the past week. If I couldn't even keep a plant alive, how could I help raise Alec's daughter? For the first time since being given the news, I was almost grateful for my impending trip.

Alec looked at me with concern. "You okay?" We were headed to my mom and dad's house for their annual New Year's Eve party, but I was still stewing over the damn plant.

I shifted the Crockpot on my lap. Alec's world-famous chili, or so he claimed, was inside. "I'm fine." I smiled halfheartedly, wondering if it looked as weak as it felt.

Obviously my smile wasn't masking anything, especially from Alec, who didn't look fooled. "Are you worried about your trip? I'll take care of Severus. Scout's honor," he said, holding up his hand.

"Promise?" I asked, letting him believe he was on the right track. How could I tell him the real reason I was freaking was because I was having cold feet? And we weren't even married. That the trip was coming at a perfect time because I needed some time to gather myself? There was no way he would understand.

"I swear. By the time you get home, that cat and I will be old friends," he said, pulling behind Tony's pickup. Mom and Dad's driveway was packed with cars, forcing us to park in the street.

I juggled the Crockpot with one hand while opening the door of my jeep. Alec rounded the vehicle and plucked it from my hands. "Was I right? Are you just worried about leaving, or is it something else?" he asked, blocking my way.

I nodded, not wanting to open a huge can of worms the night before leaving for two and a half months. I was being silly anyway. It wasn't like Alec had asked me to step in as Lily's mother. She already had Candace. I was probably simply stressing over the trip. Nothing more. "I'm just sad that tomorrow I'll be hundreds and hundreds of miles from you. I'm going to miss you," I said honestly, lacing my fingers through his.

"Ditto, babe." He dropped a lingering kiss on my lips.

"Aren't you supposed to be happy? You're getting rid of the old ball and chain for ten weeks. Shouldn't you be making a list of strip clubs and bars you plan on hitting up?" I asked, pressed against his lips.

"Well, that's a given, but I'll miss you when Severus is waking me up at seven a.m. sprinting through the house like a complete wacko. Seriously though, we'll make it work. Okay?"

"Okay." He was right. Things would work out. I'd survive the trip. My misgivings about sudden parenthood would fade and the burden of responsibility would become tolerable. This was what being an adult was about. I only wish it wasn't happening so quickly.

Practically everyone I knew was shoved into Mom and Dad's spacious living room, making it feel tight on every side. Any other time, I might have felt claustrophobic, but since I was familiar with all the people in the room, it was bearable.

Alec and I circulated around, stopping to chat with Mom and Dad and some of their friends first. Mom's friend and coworker, Trina, acted like I was some sort of celebrity, asking about the bus and all the cities I would be visiting. Some of her and Mom's excitement rubbed off on me as we discussed the museums and other landmarks I should visit. Tony dragged Alec away to help set up fireworks out back on the basketball court. Years ago, Dad and the guys poured the court behind the screened-in porch. Mom claimed he did it so he wouldn't have to mow the backyard, but in reality the guys spent countless hours there. Even I developed a pretty decent jump shot over the years. When they weren't playing basketball, my brothers would set up homemade skateboard ramps or in Riley's case, he used it to work on his street art.

The court didn't get much use now that all the guys no longer lived at home, but New Year's Eve fireworks were still a tradition.

Watching their retreating backs, I wondered what fruit they planned to blow up this time. Thankfully, watermelon wasn't in season like it was during the summer. I thought Mom was going to have a coronary when they blew up her watermelon centerpiece during the Fourth of July.

"I've always dreamed of going to Seattle," Trina said, dragging my attention back to the conversation.

"So have I," Mom agreed. "Maybe we can take a road trip to Forks," she added, winking at me. Mom and I got into the whole Twilight fandom together—reading the books, sitting through more Twilight marathons than I could count, and collecting all the memorabilia imaginable.

Truthfully, it was the Twilight series that sparked my interest in writing. Despite all the haters, no other book grabbed my attention like that one had at that time. It was the gateway to many other amazing books I probably would have never picked up.

"We can visit Forks High and La Push."

"And maybe Edward will climb all creepy-like through your window," Zachary chimed in, clutching his heart dramatically. "I hope he watches me sleep all night," he cooed, earning an elbow in the gut from me.

"Shouldn't you be outside with the guys getting ready to blow crap up?"

"It's not time yet. Besides, if I was outside I'd be missing out on who's the biggest pussy—Team Edward or Team Jacob." He batted his eyelashes at me.

Mom intervened before I could violently hurt him. "Do I need to get some soap, young man? You better check that language at the door."

He looked appropriately chastised for about half a second. "Okay, wait. Have you heard this one? What's the difference between Cedric Diggory and Edward Cullen?" He paused a moment for effect. "Voldemort stopped Cedric before he could sparkle."

"You're an ass."

"You gonna let her talk about your son like that?" Zachary asked, trying to look wounded as he smirked at me.

"You know, for someone who claims to dislike the series so much, you sure know an awful lot about it," Mom said, patting his head.

"It's because he secretly has a thing for Edward," I interjected.

Ashley joined us, catching the tail end of our conversation. "Babe, you never told me you swing from that tree. I always thought you seemed partial to sparkly things." She winked at me.

"He used to try on Mom's earrings when we were kids," I provided, tongue-in-cheek.

"That was for a school play," he said as we all laughed.

Ashley patted him on the arm. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, babe. Sparkly things make all our hearts go pitter-patter."

"Whatever. I'm going to go blow shit up," Zachary grumbled. "Sorry, Mom," he added as stalked away.

Ashley and I high-fived. "I'm so glad you're going to be a part of this family. We need some estrogen to balance all the testosterone in this house."

"Hey, what am I, chopped liver?" Mom asked, looking as if I had insulted her womanhood.

"Oh please. We all know you're not allowed to pick sides. Plus, it's common knowledge that Riley is your favorite since he's always sucking up."

Mom was hailed to the backyard before she could defend herself. Apparently someone knocked over the birdbath she had gotten for Christmas. Assuming my brothers had something to do with the accident, we could hear her threatening their lives as she made her way through the house.

Mom's birdbath turned out to be broken, the details of which were still under investigation. None of my brothers would fess up, and yet they all offered to replace it.

After a couple more hours of making my rounds to talk to everyone, and hearing over and over again how excited they were for me, it was nearly time for the big fireworks show to begin. My brothers liked to start at eleven forty-five, leaving the grand finale for the stroke of midnight. Each year the finale became more and more elaborate. I was actually surprised no one called the cops. Dad claimed the neighbors looked forward to the free show.

I'm sure he was right. After years of practice, my brothers could put together a fairly spectacular display. If they didn't burn the house down, or themselves for that matter. The backyard was already littered with charred apple chunks from Dad's tree in the backyard. Mom had warned him that he would regret planting that tree. Judging by the way he frowned at the apple guts splattered all over his gas grill, that day had come.

He cuffed Zachary on the back of the neck since he was closest and made him clean it off before they could start their fireworks show. Alec was guilty by association, so he helped with the mess. He looked flattered that Dad was treating him like he had my brothers. As if Alec was already a part of my family.

I was thrilled when they took to Alec almost instantly, especially after the big news that we had moved in together. I had expected my family to balk at the idea or for my parents to play the concerned card. Neither happened. They had treated me like an adult and allowed me to make my own decisions. How ironic. The very thing that I was stressing so much about lately. Being an adult. Alec walked to my side and placed his arm around my shoulder as the fireworks show was about to begin. All I could think about was how I wanted to rewind time back to Christmas Eve when none of this mattered. I wanted my happy place back.

Chapter 6

The next morning, Alec opened the car door, handing me a latte and a paper bag with a chocolate chip muffin inside. "You didn't get anything?" I asked, stifling a yawn. I was still dead tired from staying up so late the night before.

He buckled his seatbelt and pulled out of the parking lot. "Nah. I'll get something after I drop you off." He placed his hand on my knee and I laced my fingers through his. I left my muffin and coffee untouched, not wanting to miss a moment of caressing him. There would be plenty of time to eat once I was gone. We were only a few miles from the airport and I'd already decided that Alec should drop me off rather than accompany me inside. There was no reason for him to fight the parking garage when he couldn't even go through security with me.

My plan was to get a little work done while I waited to board the plane. Olivia wouldn't be flying out until later that evening, so I hoped to bang out a couple thousand words to at least feel productive.

As the exit signs for the airport came into view, I gripped Alec's hand tighter. With all my recent misgivings, the trip felt thick with bad mojo. My stomach clenched painfully, and I had an overwhelming feeling that if I let go it would be the last time I ever held him. There was no reason for my apprehension, especially since I never had been a superstitious person. Our relationship was solid—strong even. Alec wasn't even aware of any of my recent doubts.

The departure terminal loomed ahead. "I love you," I said, almost desperately. I turned to look at him, fighting back tears. This was why I never went to summer camp and chose not to attend college out of state. I sucked at goodbyes. My heart ached anytime I'd ever been forced into an extended absence. Thankfully, it hadn't happened much in my life. I guess I was fortunate.

Alec pulled to the curb in front of the baggage drop-off area before turning to me. His hand trailed up my arm slowly, cupping my face. "I love you too, sweet stuff. It's going to be fine." He swiped away a stray tear that was trekking its way down my cheek. "Think about military families. Those goodbyes are months on end. We can talk and text constantly. We'll FaceTime it." I nodded, choking back a sob while trying to maintain a brave face.

He was right. Of course he was. I was acting like a child.

"Besides, I'm already looking forward to all the dirty text messages you're going to send me."

I chuckled through damp eyes. "Won't you be too busy learning how to take care of patients?"

"Exactly. I'll need something to break up the monotony. Those kinds of texts will be a welcome distraction."

"I better go," I said, spotting an approaching airport cop. "Don't forget to feed Severus," I added for the millionth time, pressing a hard kiss to his mouth. It felt desperate, and I briefly wondered if he could read my mind. My lips clung to his, not ready for the contact to end. His tongue caressed mine before he finally did what I had no strength to do—he pulled away.

"Be careful. Keep the pepper spray on you at all times."

I smiled. Just like my numerous reminders about Severus, Alec had gone over his safety advice countless times. He wasn't the only one. Each of my brothers put me through refresher self-defense lessons during the last month. I was quite certain that if, God forbid, a situation like I had experienced at the hotel in Tennessee ever happened again, I would be capable of handling myself. "I will. I'll call you when I land," I said, pressing another kiss to his lips even though the airport cop was giving us the evil eye.

This time it was me who pulled back. I knew if I stayed, even a moment longer, chances were I wouldn't be able to climb from the vehicle.

Alec grabbed my suitcases from the back of the jeep and loaded them on a luggage cart. I cringed at the two large cases. I was going to miss the smaller carry-on luggage I normally traveled with.

With my bag hiked up over my shoulder, I gripped the handle of the cart tightly and pushed it toward the automatic door.

"Nicole," Alec called out behind me.

I turned around to face him with my heart in my throat. "Yeah?"

He was leaning against the side of the jeep with his hands in his pockets. "Knock 'em dead. Remember you're a star. This is your moment," he said, winking at me.

His words warmed me like a shot of bourbon on a cold day, but it was his wink that made my blood boil like lava. He knew I was a sucker for it.

"I love you," I said, smiling as I blew him a kiss. I pushed the cart through the door, wanting that moment to be our goodbye.

The airport was a bustling bevy of activity with people coming and going in every direction. I thought maybe I'd be the only poor sap traveling on New Year's Day, but obviously I was wrong. My good mood faded quickly as I waited in the long line to check my bags. Everyone seemed grumpy with very little patience. Even I couldn't help getting ticked after the couple behind me allowed their kids to run over my heels no fewer than five times with their luggage cart. After the second time they stopped apologizing, like it was no longer a big deal.

I had to maneuver my body to the side of my cart to keep from screaming something that would have attracted more attention than I cared to get. Not that it would have done any good. The two small children didn't seem to hear a word their parents said. Why would they listen to me? I remained on the bad end of their torment as they swung on the rope barrier that corralled the line, pulling a heavy brass pole down on my recently healed ankle. Where was Olivia when I needed her? She would have already told the parents and their kids to take a flying leap into Fuckville.

At least I got another dismissive apology after giving their mom a death glare that should have melted the skin from their rotten faces. I debated dumping my latte on their annoying heads, but I decided that would only be a waste of the peppermint deliciousness.

By the time I made it through check-in and another long line at security, I barely arrived at the gate before the attendant began announcing boarding procedures for my flight. So much for getting any work done. At least my publisher had sprung for a first-class ticket, so I was among the first group of passengers to board the plane. Limping gingerly down the Jetway, I held up the passengers behind me until I reached a waiting flight attendant who helped me to my seat.

"Mimosa?" she offered as I stowed my shoulder bag under my spacious seat.

I smiled gratefully. "Yes, please." I situated myself in the wide plush leather seat, glad to be off my sore ankle. I took off my sandal to assess the damage and saw no swelling, thank goodness. Only a small scratch. My gleefulness continued when the demon family from earlier shuffled on board and headed toward the back of the plane—far, far, far away from me. There was a god.

The flight turned out to be fairly uneventful, which allowed me to pound out an entire chapter, pushing me ahead of my word count schedule. I was all smiles by the time we landed in New York. Even my ankle felt better after a two-hour rest. The captain turned off the fasten seatbelt sign as I gathered my bag from under the seat and the flight attendants ushered the first-class passengers off the plane first. I had to admit, I could already see myself getting spoiled by first class. If this was the type of treatment I would receive for the rest of the trip, I would have no complaints.

Surprisingly, the terminal at LaGuardia seemed dead in comparison to what I'd left behind in Orlando. Following the signs, I made my way to baggage claim in record time and was one of the first passengers at the luggage carousel. I found a spot against the wall and turned on my cell phone while waiting for my bags to come tumbling out of the chute. It was always torture to be without my phone for an entire flight, but it made focusing on work so much easier. It also meant that I looked like a crack addict needing a fix by the time I turned on the phone again.

I smiled when I clicked on the message icon to find that Alec had sent me a couple texts. Miss your face already. I sighed while reading it until I saw his next message. He had taken a picture of Severus with a little note attached to his neck that read: So do I. Severus didn't look at all pleased, but it still cracked me up.

I miss you both too, I returned as the luggage carousel began to move.

The rest of the passengers from the flight had arrived and surrounded the carousel, eagerly waiting for their luggage. My good luck continued as my bags were two of the first pieces to leave the chute.

LaGuardia was officially my favorite airport. I snatched my suitcases off the spinning carousel and dragged them to the side to scan the area. Olivia had guaranteed that my publisher would have a car waiting for me.

"Ms. Blake?" a voice inquired to my left.

"Yes," I answered, turning toward a guy with boyishly good looks who appeared to be roughly my age. He was wearing a suit that might have been a size too small. It looked a bit rumpled, like something one of my brothers would wear if forced to for the right occasion. You could tell he would be more comfortable in something else—probably jeans and a T-shirt. A lock of hair fell across his forehead, but he brushed it back only to have it fall back a second later.

"I'm Greg. I'll be your assistant/driver/event organizer and everything else in between for the next month and a half."

I raised an eyebrow. An assistant? That was something new. Olivia was the only assistant I needed, and she would be with me for almost two weeks. "A month and half?" I asked, latching on to the second part of his statement. I could see needing someone for the bus tour, but that wasn't for another two weeks and would only last a month. The publisher planned for the tour to end on Valentine's Day in Philadelphia, which was voted one of the most romantic cities in America by a reader survey they had done. That was how they came up with the twenty cities for the tour. Each one had made the list. Time would tell if by the end of the trip I would find myself romantically inspired or ready to hang myself with a licorice whip.

Greg nodded. "I believe it's something your agent insisted on. I've been briefed on your itinerary and it was explained to me that my job is to make things as easy as possible for you. Chocolate, Cheez Doodles, Starbucks—I'm your guy," he said, grinning.

"How did you know I like—wait, you've been talking to Olivia?"

"Guilty," he replied, grabbing the handles of my suitcases and wheeling them out the door.

This trip was definitely looking up. Having my own assistant seemed a little pretentious, but I couldn't deny that a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. Maybe I'd survive this extravaganza after all. "Hey, I can get one of those," I said, trailing after him.

"Please. You're the talent. How would it look if you were carrying your own luggage?"

"Oh God. If I would've known I'd be walking through this much shit, I would have worn my waders."

"Just a little humor. Not that I'm going to hand over one of the bags. This is job security for me. Gotta make sure I pull my weight," he joked, leading me toward a nondescript black SUV. I grinned, feeling instantly at ease. Meeting new people was never easy for me, but I could already tell Greg and I were going to get along. He reminded me of my brothers.

The temperature in New York in January was noticeably different than what I had left in Florida. There was no snow on the ground, but it was cold nonetheless. Even though I had dressed appropriately, I was already shivering as we made our way to the vehicle. Greg noticed my reaction and started the vehicle to get the heat running before stowing my luggage in back.

"Here you go," he said, opening the door for the second row. Shaking my head, I opened the front passenger door and climbed in, leaving him with a puzzled look. "I'd rather sit up front," I said, closing the door. I kicked an empty Mountain Dew bottle out of the way and tossed the empty fast food bag that was on my seat to the second row.

"Sorry about that," he said sheepishly as he climbed into the driver's seat. "I was running behind and grabbed a quick bite. I thought you'd be sitting back there."

"Don't sweat it. I have three brothers. This is nothing compared to their cars. It takes a shovel and a gas mask to clean out my brother Tony's car."

Greg flashed another grin. "Well, this is actually cleaner than normal. Sometimes I collect so much stuff it looks like I'm living in here."

"Do you live in the city?" I asked, grasping the armrest on the door. Greg's driving was more aggressive than I was used to. He whipped from lane to lane, around several taxis and a city bus. No matter how many times I traveled to New York City I would never get used to the traffic. Every moment felt like an accident waiting to happen. I should have sucked down a drink before we left the airport to dull my senses, or better yet, one of those tranquilizers they give to traveling pets.

"Nah, too rich for my blood. I got a place over in Jersey."

"So you drive in this mess every day?" I closed my eyes, wishing that I would have taken his original suggestion of sitting in the back seat.

"Oh, no way. I take the bus and train into the city." He blasted his horn at a motorcycle that narrowly swerved in front of us, causing my eyes to jump open again. My hands moved instinctively to the dashboard, bracing for a collision. The constant stop-and-go motion of the vehicle combined with Greg's insistence on switching back and forth between lanes was making me nauseous. "You know, it's probably a good idea to get me there in one piece," I muttered, looking up at the ceiling in the vehicle.