Cailín (Lass) (Anam Céile Chronicles) (33 page)

I knew
rushing to his side I should be, but somehow suddenly I felt totally powerless
over me own body.  However, me
mind
be not in the least protected,
assaulting me with all these horrifying possibilities as ‘twas.  Finally, the
adrenaline surged its way through me to allow me to rush to him, this time
disregarding any pretense in regards to me swiftness.

Me hair
be wild and twisted as I dropped to me knees beside Donovan and cradled him
tightly against me.  Afraid I be to look upon his face, fer bear to see the
unfathomable expression I knew it held I could not.  With me fingers digging
fiercely into the earth he laid upon, I curled up, burying me face against his
chest.

I knew
I must look up, face the truth, before ‘twas too late.  It tormented me so much
more than ever I could have been prepared, the look upon Donovan’s face with
which I then be met.  Not any idea had I what expression me face took on as I
raised me head to look upon his.  Donovan’s face had gone ashen, the expression
he wore be one torn between confusion and agony as he peered up at me through
his thick, dark lashes.

Donovan
stared at me, the pain within his eyes unconcealed.  It tore at me heart as
nothing else ever has.
 

He
attempted to speak, the pain breaking his voice.  “Aislinn, do not lie to me, I
know you be keeping secrets from me,” his words were declared with utter
certitude.

What do
I to say to that?  Never can he know.  Now certainly not be the time to reveal
any of the bizarre occurrences that I have endured.

I
stroked his dampened hair, the beguiling scent of his exposed blood seeping
from the wound of his head invading me senses, cracking me focus. 

“Shh,
Darling.  Do not strain yourself in this condition,” I crooned to him, hoping
to dissuade his attention from whatever erroneous thoughts he may have been
holding onto. 
Donovan allowed himself to lean into the comfort of me touch, his eyes closing
as I caressed the soil from his cheek. 

“Know
that I loved only you . . . Aislinn . . .” Donovan avowed with his eyes still
closed, his voice ever weakening.  I struggled to hold back the tears so that
he would not be subjected to witnessing me mourning fer him while he still be
here.

Then
his eyes fluttered open again, Donovan furrowed his brow in pain as his
expression became one of torment.  I cast a frantic glance as the agony ripped
across his face and then discharged as sound, growing more rigid with pain. 

Any
hope lingering in me plummeted when I detected his surrounding blue light
growing ever dim.

“DONOVAN!”
I cried out, me face desperate.  He grabbed me hand weakly and tried to feign a
smile fer me sake, but his lips only pulled back in a pained grimace instead, rupturing
me heart further.         

Too
afraid to speak I be, fearing that the words would only all come pouring out as
pure, overwhelming pain.  I did not wish fer his last memory of me to be as
that.

As
Donovan lay fading in me arms, I swallowed hard and squeezed the words out past
the lump in me throat to say that which needed to be said.  “Together again
we’ll be, me love.  I
will
wait fer you to return to me, fer yer
athionchollú
. 
As long as that may entail . . .” I promised him, me voice quaking.

Emotions
flitted across Donovan’s face.  “Aislinn, none of us know fer sure if that
actually occurs,” he told me, his voice laboured in agony.  “And even if it
does, it could be well beyond your lifetime.  And if truly ‘tis meant to be,
it’ll happen regardless.  But please don’t wait to live because you’re waiting
fer me.  Be happy,
live your life
.” 

The
sound of his agony cut deep into me chest.  But his words I refused to accept.

How can
he simply tell me to be happy whilst the only thing that has ever given me true
happiness is fading from me?  Of course, little does he know that I now have
the gift of unlimited time to torture meself in waiting fer him.

No
longer could I see his expression clearly through the tears which his words had
provoked to escape into me eyes.  Donovan managed to reach up to stroke them from
me cheek.  I could detect the wonder come across his face as he peered at his
finger.  Though what ‘twas he saw, I did not yet know.

 “Why .
. . why . . . you be letting me go, Aislinn?” Donovan entreated, his voice
cold, strenuously stretching out his arm to me as though I be further from him
than I actually be.  He strangled off into a gurgled sob, his eyes rolling back
into his head.  Seeing him in that way, I choked on the bulge in me throat. 

“I be not,
Donovan!  Never will I let you go!  Close to me as this always I will keep
you!” 

I felt
meself becoming desperate when he did not respond at all.  I clung to him as
his eyes went far away.  I bent me face to his and showered him with kisses. 
His salty tears moistened me lips.

“Can
you hear me?  Can you feel me holding you?  I know you hear me, Donovan!” I
cried frantically.  “Do not take heed of that which the shadows breathe,
whispering you away from me.”

Then I
sensed him slipping deeper away.  Me stomach lurched in me panic.         

“Stay
with me!  Hold onto me, Love!” I cried,
me voice becoming
hysterical.

Though
still I wished to deny it, I knew what ‘twas I had become.  Thereby, hastily I
resolved to bite him in hopes of altering him to that which I be, thus saving
him from the unimaginable fate which be fast pulling him from me. 

“Sorry
I be if this will cause you more pain.”  I leaned to his neck and sank me teeth
into his flesh, entirely unprepared fer the effect that resulted.

Me
senses reeled with ecstasy as the sweetness of his blood danced upon me
tongue.  The delicacy of it well beyond the promise that had only been eluded
by his scent.  ‘Twas by far the best ever I had savoured— surpassing even that
of the purity of the beautiful virgin maiden who had been me introduction to
the luxury of this easily acquired taste.  I had to battle against meself as
never before against the prevailing urge to draw all his blood into me.

A voice
not me own whispered in me ear. 
He will be gone in a moment, anyway.  A shame
it would be to waste the finest thing you have ever experienced.
 

Repulsed,
I pushed the atrocious perception from me mind, refuting that it could have
possibly been me own.  Gashing me own wrist with me sharp teeth, I collected me
determination fer that which I must do.  I placed me wrist to his mouth, me
blood oozing out onto his lips.

“Drink
and draw me essence into you,” I shook him lightly, coaxing him with me words,
me voice pleading.  Donovan came to just enough to understand me words and
submitted.  However, upon attempting to suck in me blood, he instead gasped
sharply with the pain of his crushed body.  Realizing desperate measures would
have to be taken, I grabbed his face and pressing his mouth open, squeezed the
blood from me wrist, letting it trickle onto his tongue. 

“Swallow,
Donovan!  Swallow me blood!” I bade him firmly, yet pleading.  “It’ll revive
you so that we may be together as we should!”  He swallowed but only once, fer
even the effort of that simple reflex inflicted upon him excessive pain.

Thus,
me desperate efforts proved to be useless, leaving me only with the wish that I
had not sampled that which I never again would have, me throat aching fer
another taste. 

I
embraced Donovan against me bare breast as he faded off while looking at me,
yet he seemed to gaze far beyond me eyes.  I remained there holding him and
silently bid adieux to the love of me eternal existence. 

As
close to me I held him, I felt the life fading from his body, and I wondered
whether his soul be cognizant of me devoted presence.  And the very moment I
saw the light in his eyes fade off, I observed his effervescent blue radiance
fade to nothingness.  Then I felt the familiar tingling sensation permeate me,
all me hairs standing on end.  

Could
it be that his soul is passing through me or perhaps even merging with mine?
 
Would
his soul carry with it the memory of me presence here to the afterlife, keeping
awareness that I would search eternity fer his return? 

As I
sensed his soul parting from his body, in that moment, I knew it be as lost to
me as a particle of dust blowing upon the wind.
 
Even then, me mind
could not comprehend the reality of it.
 
I felt hopeless hands,
helplessly pulling him back close to me.  The sun shined brilliantly,
illuminating the sky all around us as his spirit left me alone with the shell
of his body in me arms.

Why? 
He does not breathe!
 
Please awake!  I cannot be
without you.  Please!
 
I feel so alone.  Don't leave me here, by
meself, fer without you I feel nothing.

The
seemingly endless stream of questions tortured me until inside me whole head be
screaming.  Intolerantly, I awaited fer the screams in me head to find their
release from the torture of me mind.  Though alas, they did not come.  They
were trapped within me.

And
then a cold wind gusted on that windless day.  It struck me in the chest. 
‘Twas as though a black hole had landed there, and with it, the hideous cold
came rushing in.  And then, me body hastily sealed itself around it, trapping
all the cold inside.  And in that moment I knew that naught— save him— ever
would chase that ghastly cold from me.  Even the air I inhaled through me lungs
did naught to fill that void in me chest.

Trapped
within this body I be, with everything that be pain.  Wish I were a bird so that
I could fly away from meself, leaving all these tormenting thoughts and their
pain forever behind me.

All of
a sudden, me body began trembling involuntarily.  Instinctively, a snarl came
from deep within me as a chill— as ice scraping across me face— combined with a
blast of fire blew past me.  Acute pain twisted me stomach as all the blood commenced
to drain away from me face.

It felt
as though the oxygen was sucked from me, as though me heart had pushed inside
out.  I dropped to the ground next to Donovan.  There I lay, awaiting the
spontaneous combustion of me heart.  Immobilized by me anguish and soon to be
blinded by tears, long and loud, me heart cried out.
 

Now
that I be aware what I be without, just leave me you cannot!  I must be with
you— to live, to breathe!  Please awake from this spell!  I feel so alone and
so scared that you're going away.

Unable
to speak, I awaited the answer I knew would not come.  At long last, me throat
closed around a scream.  Even as swallowed up I be in the sound of me own
screaming, relieved I be in the liberation of it.  I could not cease fer the
fear of the nothingness that awaited in the silence now surrounding me. 

The
wetness of those heretofore elusive tears running through me fingers— the
confirmation of that which I had denied— any hope remaining in me fell apart. 
Desperately clutching tight his image to me heart, I pulled away to face the abyss
of that inevitable pain. 

Still
beside him, I lay there staring off at nothing, me head in a murky fog.  Me
mind refused to make sense of it, would not accept it.  Amazing ‘tis the things
one notices in a moment as monumental as that.  With me shaking fingers, I
mindlessly manipulated the frayed edge of his shirt repetitively ‘til it became
rather unraveled. 

And as
I beheld it, ‘twas as though that unraveled piece of fabric represented me
whole world in that moment.

Sometime
later,
I gazed upon Donovan’s face— his eyes closed— endeavouring to
persuade meself to believe he merely be dreaming whilst slumbering peacefully. 
Yet, as the time did trickle on— and still he lay there motionless, stiffening—
I had to face it.  Me chest constricted ‘til most strenuous me breathing
became. 

He be
me air.  With him gone, how do I breathe?

‘Twas
as though pulled apart I be, little by little and torturously.  As though me
blood pumped pure pain to every part of me body, ‘til not a single cell there be
‘twas not aching to explode from the poisoning pain, the trillions of them
screaming to escape me contaminated form.  The core of me now be a sole vast
aching hurt.

Once
more me eyes boiled over, the hot tears gushing forth as though a water sack
had unexpectedly ruptured.  Freely they flowed all the countless hours ‘til
every molecule of moisture they had sapped from me, leaving me eyes and mouth
dehydrated, me skin so desiccated and wrinkled, I thought I must surely
resemble an old woman.

Motionless
I stared off into the sky fer hours, not even blinking, noticing almost naught,
save fer the clouds which all seemed to become his face.  Just petrified I be in
that moment, in the excruciating comprehension of it all. 

Until
at last, the day became night, darkness surrounding me, cruelly reminding me of
me aloneness once again.  Curled upon the ground as an embryo, yet another
round of hysteria washed over me.  Finally, exhaustion did conquer me and I
found sleep— albeit not a peaceful one ‘twas.  Fer even in me sleep, unbearably
aware I be of the pain.