In the Distance (18 page)

“Tyler? You still there?”

I sighed and closed my eyes, the ache of missing Megan and Ollie slicing through my chest. “I’m here. Why do you think I should go see them? We both know my parents won’t let me within ten feet of them.”

Trevor’s voice was softer when he answered. “Because you miss them. They deserve to know you’re still you, regardless of what your parents have told them.”

“Maybe, but I’m not sure I’m ready to face my parents.”

“Trust me, I get it. All I’m saying is it’s been two years. Two years for them to come to their senses and realize they made a mistake. I’m not saying everything will be perfect between you, but you deserve to see your siblings. Just think about it, okay?”

I had a feeling over the next few days I’d be doing nothing but thinking about it. “Yeah, I will. Hey, it’s getting late. We’re both exhausted, so I better call it a night.”

Trevor paused. I could tell he had more he wanted to say, but he didn’t press it. “Okay, Tyler. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Night, Trevor.”

“Night, Smalls,” Trevor added before he hung up.

Most nights I relished the stillness of living alone. After the constant noise and bustle at the shelters, and then the normal chaos that accompanied living with Enrique and Flora and their two rambunctious kids, I’d come to cherish the silence in my apartment after a long day at work.

After talking to Trevor, the silence was almost oppressive. Now that I had a chance to process everything we talked about, I regretted telling him about the possibility of changing my major. It had been nice to finally open up to someone about it, but I’d learned the hard way that it was better to keep my private life, well, private. I already felt the pressure of living up to Ethan’s and Jamie’s expectations, I really didn’t need to add anyone else to let down. Because, even though I’d once dreamed of being the kind of teacher who created a spark in his students, some dreams were just that. Dreams.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Trevor
Early March

I was prepared to leave a voice mail after the seventh ring, but was finally rewarded with the voice I’d been eager to hear all afternoon.

“Hey. You caught me getting off the bus. What’s up?”

I sat back in my office chair and smiled. In the two weeks since I’d last left Seattle, Tyler and I had talked or texted every day. Tyler preferred texting. I preferred talking. Hearing his voice made the distance between New York and Washington seem smaller.

“How was class today?”

I could hear the ambient noise from the street as Tyler said something to the bus driver, then he shifted the phone to tell me about his cooking partner’s latest failure at making a roux. Tyler never complained about taking the bus, but I hated he had to rely on it for everything. It was ironic, coming from a person who almost always took public transport and paid an outrageous fee to house my car in my building’s parking garage.

Tyler’s voice dragged my attention back to our conversation. “So I ended up staying late to help Sam, because, yeah, the first attempt looked more like sludge than a roux.”

“Well, she’s lucky you were there to help, because I’ve heard that even though sludge might work as a good moisturizer, it’s hell on your system when ingested.”

His laugh made me smile even wider. Tyler had a tendency to be too serious, so I found myself saying the most absurd things just to hear his elusive laughter.

“I’ll have to remember that next time I want to get a facial. And, actually, she’s a he. At any rate, someone needed to help Sam. I burned my fair share of roux when I first started working at Sharpe’s to know it takes a lot of stirring and even more patience. He just needs a little more practice, that’s all.”

Wait
,
what?
She’s a he?
Until now, I’d never thought to ask about Sam, stupidly assuming she—dammit, he—was female. But now, the image of Tyler spending so much time with what sounded like a flirty male classmate was irritating, to say the least. We still hadn’t managed to define what we were to each other. And seeing as how I hadn’t been back to Seattle since the weekend of the gala, we hadn’t even had a chance to test the waters physically, let alone emotionally. I’d all but told him we were both free to do whatever we wanted, but just the thought of another guy, or guys, if I included Nick, putting the moves on Tyler made me want to go all caveman on him and drag him off to my cave.

I shifted in my chair as images of all the things I wanted to do to Tyler flitted through my mind. “You working tonight?”

I could hear voices in the background as he answered. “Yeah, I just got here.”

What I wouldn’t have given at that moment to have Tyler at home, naked and stroking himself off while I listened. Hell, who was I kidding? I wanted to be there in person while Tyler was naked on his bed, stroking himself off as I watched.

He’s at work
,
Pratt.
Get your other fucking head in the game.

“Well, I was hoping you had a chance to talk for a few minutes. Have you given any more thought to those education classes you were telling me about?”

He paused just long enough for me to know I’d struck a nerve, and all thoughts of sexy, naughty Tyler stroking himself in front of me vanished like smoke.

“Not yet, but hey, I’m just walking into the restaurant and need to get changed. So unless you want to talk to Ethan, I gotta go get clocked in.”

I couldn’t help but wonder if he would have stayed on the phone longer if I hadn’t brought up the school stuff, but knew this wasn’t the time to ask.

“Actually, give Jamie a huge bear hug in front of Ethan and say it’s from me. That should make his day.”

Tyler’s chuckle was almost drowned out by the loud clang of a locker shutting. “Yeah, not going to happen. I, unlike you, have a finely honed sense of self-preservation.” His voice softened and was hesitant when he added, “I close tonight, so I’m not sure how late it’ll be before I get home.”

“I’ll be up. I have some work I need to catch up on with Natalie, who, if you recall, works the same god-awful hours you do.”

Tyler hesitated before saying, “Oh. Okay. I’ll talk to you later, then.” Without waiting for a goodbye, he hung up.

I stared at the phone in my hand, willing it to tell me why Tyler was so resistant in talking about the meeting with his advisor. I tried not to take it personally, but it stung when he shut down like this. He was never rude about it, but even a blind man could see he was hesitant to trust, and even more hesitant to open up, all in the name of self-preservation.

The only other person I’d ever wanted more from was Jamie. But Tyler wasn’t Jamie and I sure as hell wasn’t searching for someone to magically fill the void I’d felt when Jamie left New York. Then there was our age difference. I hadn’t lied to Tyler when we were at Dizzy’s, I didn’t care if he was twenty or twenty-seven. My mom would have called him an old soul, carrying himself with more maturity than most of the guys I hung out with in New York. He might not be fresh out of high school, but he was in his first year of college. I spent my first two years at NYU drinking and banging my way through the eligible male population on campus. Didn’t Tyler deserve to have the same experience? Well, minus the waking up in strange dorm rooms with the nasty aftertaste of Jägermeister coating his tongue. Didn’t he want to have those kinds of experiences? Didn’t
I
want him to have those experiences?

Or was I doing what I did best? Using Tyler’s method of deflection in the name of good old self-preservation? Because, if I let Tyler in only to have him leave me for someone else after I’ve already invested part of my heart in him, would I be able to bounce back from something like that again? Especially since this time felt so much more intense than what I’d felt for Jamie when we’d first met?

I sat at my desk and stared out the window over the skyline of New York, wondering when Tyler had slipped past my carefully constructed defenses and why that knowledge both scared and electrified me.

* * *

I stood at the back of the studio and watched Natalie kill it on
Taste of the Big Apple
. Jamie had been a natural with his easygoing charm, while Alex wooed hosts and interviewers by flirting with them. Natalie was a badass. Well, a badass with really great manners. From the moment she’d walked on the set, she had the host and crew eating out of the palm of her hand. Literally. Natalie and I had never talked about her personal life, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if she swung both ways. Mark, the host, however, seemed to think he had a shot with her from the way he all but sucked her fingers into his mouth when she held out a crab-stuffed mushroom for him to taste. I tried to cover my laughter at the pissed-off look on her face. Natalie wiped her hands off on her apron and gave me the side eye, which meant I’d most likely be on the receiving end of a rant later.
Welcome to showbiz
,
Natalie.

Knowing she could more than take care of herself, I ducked into the hallway and pulled out my phone. I’d just gotten the latest itinerary for my trip back to Washington and Oregon from my travel agent. I’d cleared my schedule to build in some extra time in Seattle, hoping Tyler could get at least one night free for us to go out. Jamie had been adamant about not doing another long press junket for the release of his newest cookbook, so we’d compromised on sticking to the West Coast for the majority of his appearances. I was still trying to get him out to New York, where he’d get much better exposure, but he wasn’t willing to go that far without Ethan. I still thought he was passing up a great opportunity, but I was slowly understanding how distance from someone you cared about sucked.

Speaking of. I pulled out my phone.

Just got the final details of my trip nailed down. We still on for the last weekend in March?

Tyler’s reply took a few minutes.

Depends. What do you have planned?

My first thought was Tyler’s bedroom, but instead I typed my response.

Whatever you want. I’m easy.

The moment I pressed Send, I groaned. Immediately, Tyler’s text came through.

That’s what he said.

Killing me, Smalls. And yes, I left the door wide open for that one.

Front door or back door?

I turned and faced the wall, my cock twitching from Tyler’s subtle flirting. He was still way more reserved about it than I was, but every once in a while he pulled out a zinger that made me curse the miles that lay between us.

Which door would you prefer?

Both. I’m all about equal opportunity.

I closed my eyes and felt my cock twitch again as images of Tyler spread out naked on the bed flashed behind my eyelids. If I’d been alone, I’d have jerked off, but I still had to make it through the rest of the taping, then a dinner with a few local chefs I’d wanted to introduce Natalie to. As much as I hated to end the flirting, if I kept it up, I’d be sporting wood for hours.

I’m trying to focus here and you’re not helping. Will send all the details to you, just let me know which night you get off from Bistro 30.

Technically, the restaurant doesn’t get me off. I mean I like it there, but it really doesn’t turn me on like that.

Smart-ass.

You love it.

I shook my head and smiled as I typed out my last text to him.

I do. TTYL.

After slipping my phone back in my pocket, I leaned back against the wall and tried to get my headspace, and cock, back to where I needed it. But it didn’t matter what I did, the images of Tyler naked and sprawled out next to me, under me, on top of me just wouldn’t fade. Thank God I’d brought my wool coat to the studio. As much as I adored Natalie, sporting wood at a business dinner was never a good idea.

* * *

“I’ll send you the official press releases from Chapters Books and Pulpfiction, but everything else is in the email I sent you this morning. You ready for all this?”

Jamie whistled. “Whoa. Back up. Don’t get too excited, Trev. You and I both know I’m happier in the kitchen than in front of the cameras. I loved working on this cookbook, especially since E helped, even though he won’t let me credit him for anything, but I’m done with being in the public eye.”

“Just think about what it would do for the restaurant, J. Ethan is more than capable of handling things at Bistro 30.”

“He is, but that has nothing to do with it. Hell, you were there. Hopping from city to city, then going home to an empty condo? That wasn’t living, Trev. It was surviving. For the first time in years, I’m happy where I am, regardless of how famous or obscure I become. No amount of exposure or money can compete with that.”

“I know, J. But as your manager, you know I had to ask. It would be great for your career and Bistro 30, but I agree, I’ve never seen you happier. So I get it.”

And I did. No matter how much I wanted it for Jamie—the press, the money, the fame—it was all meaningless to him. He’d spent way too many years with parents who’d tried to mold him into a mindless corporate drone, all but forcing him into a future that would make Jamie rich, but at the cost of being completely miserable.

“I loved working on the cookbook and I’ll do whatever it takes, within reason, to publicize it, but I won’t go back to that kind of life.”

“It’s not a problem, J. This, coupled with a few more appearances on the West Coast, will be it. If or when you ever want to get back out there, well, you know where to find me.”

I could hear Jamie’s sigh of relief through the phone. “Yeah. Buried under a mountain of paperwork. Or most likely, buried under the next shiny thing to come along.”

I knew Jamie wasn’t trying to be cruel, but the barb stung anyway. “Actually, there haven’t been any of those lately.”

“Really? You’ve been holding out on me. Who is he?”

“Since when did you become so interested in my love life?”

Jamie’s voice was laced with hurt when he answered, “Since you became my best friend back in Paris, Trevor.”

“Have you ever considered maybe I’m growing up?”

Jamie’s laugh rang through the earpiece. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”

Yeah
,
me
,
too.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, J. Speaking of growing up, how’s Tyler doing?”

“Trev, is there something I should know about?”

“Way to be paranoid. I’m asking because he’s a good kid. I know he works his ass off between school and the restaurant, so I just wanted to see how he was doing. Is there anything wrong with that?” It was all true, just not the whole truth.

“There’s nothing wrong with asking, but you know how I feel about Tyler. All in all, though, he’s doing great. He’s really come out of his shell this past year by taking on more responsibility around the kitchen and he’s great with the new guy Ethan hired. Tyler took him under his wing and watches out for him.”

“By new guy, you mean Nick?” Tyler rarely talked about him, but when he did come up in conversation I could tell they were getting closer.

“Yeah, he’s a good kid. A wall around him a mile wide, but a really good kid. He’s even gotten under Ethan’s skin. You should have seen Tyler’s eyes the other day when Ethan called Nick ‘New Guy’. When Tyler called him on it, Ethan told him he’d been replaced because one day Tyler would have a whole kitchen full of new guys when he got his own kitchen.”

Interesting.
“And how did Tyler react?”

Jamie laughed, but after several attempts at trying to get Tyler to talk about his dream of teaching rather than being a head chef I didn’t find any of it remotely funny.

“You know Tyler. He doesn’t say much most of the time, next to nothing if other people are around. Mostly he just blushed and hid out behind his prep station for the rest of the shift. But you should see all the different techniques he’s learned. I swear he’ll have his own kitchen once he graduates.”

Everything Jamie said should have made me smile. It should have made me happy everyone else saw how talented Tyler was, that they all knew how much he was going to accomplish one day. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t ignore how animated and excited Tyler had been when he’d talked about being a teacher. Hell, I didn’t even live in the same state as Tyler, and I knew his heart wasn’t in being a head chef.