Spiraling (10 page)

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” I lied. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know.”

He closed his locker and we walked down the hall in silence. Normally, I would have been talking his ear off by the time we got to the commons, but I didn’t really feel like talking. When we got to the parking lot, I studied the cracks in the asphalt as we passed between the cars and thought about how he’d lied to me. In my periphery, I saw him reach into his pocket and pull out a pack of cigarettes. Suddenly, his disregard for the rules wasn’t as charming as it had been. I was annoyed that he couldn’t wait until we weren’t on school property. It wasn’t like it would take hours to get across the parking lot. The entire walk to my house was only fifteen minutes.

“Got any plans for this weekend?” he asked when I hadn’t said anything by the time we reached the sidewalk on the other side of the lot.

“Not that I know of,” I answered.

“Jake was talking about taking his car to the drags on Saturday. If you aren’t doing anything, you’re welcome to come with us.”

“Sure.” I sighed.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked.

I looked at him. “Why would you think that?”

“You’re being really quiet.”

“I don’t have anything to say.”

“You always have
something
to say.” He chuckled.

“Not always.” I huffed. “Like now. I don’t have anything to say right now. Well, actually I do, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to make you mad, so I wasn’t going to.”

“Just say it.”

I took in a large breath of air. Then I stopped walking and turned toward him. He rested his weight on his right side, taking a drag from the cigarette as he waited for me to stoke up my nerve.

“You lied to me,” I said.

He shook his head. “I’ve never lied to you.”

“You told me you could help me with my algebra homework, but you’re taking basic math. I saw the book in your locker.”

“And you think that means I lied to you?”

“Well, yeah. If you know algebra, why aren’t you in geometry or trig or something?”

“Because I have really shitty grades on my transcript,” he said. “I didn’t lie to you. I can do algebra. It’s not hard.”

I dropped my eyes and sighed. “It is for me. I suck at math.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”

“I know.” I looked back up. “It’s just… My mom gripes at me because of my grades, but it’s not like I’m not trying. I just don’t get it.”

“I really don’t have a problem helping you, if you want.”

“Yeah, because that worked so well yesterday.”

“We did get a little distracted, didn’t we?” He smirked.

“A little.” I laughed.

“I’ll try not to let it happen again. But no promises.”

He tossed the end of his cigarette into the street. Then he put his arm around me and we resumed walking. It was nice having the air cleared. I rattled on like a jack-in-the-box that had been wound way too far. All the gossip I normally relayed between classes popped out in one rapid burst of useless information. I was fully aware that he couldn’t have cared less about any of it, but I was excited to say it just the same. It felt wonderful to talk to him again.

I was still in full chatterbox mode when we got to my house. My brother’s car was parked out front and I could sense Devon’s hesitation as we went inside. Luckily, Chris wasn’t waiting in the living room. I didn’t hear his stereo so I assumed he was hanging out with Becky again. He spent more time at the Phillips’ house than he did at home.

Devon and I sat at the kitchen table. As I dug my homework out of my bag, I started feeling self-conscious. I didn’t want to look like an idiot in front of him. He put his arm across the back of my chair and leaned over to watch as I started the first algebra problem. Mrs. White had just started a new chapter in class. I had no idea what I was doing as I moved numbers from one side of the equal sign to the other, attempting to solve for the unknown variable without success.

My inability to understand math was extremely frustrating. I might have had a chance if Mrs. White would go through the material slower. She lectured as if she were participating in a race to see who could cram the most information into the shortest amount of time. My notes were always a mess of fragmented problems, barely legible because I’d written them so fast.

“Would you like some help?” Devon asked.

“Sure.” I nodded.

“I think you’re supposed to be using the quadratic equation.”

I looked at him. “What’s that?”

He turned my spiral to the right and asked for my pencil. Without looking at my book, he wrote two equations across the top of the page before he explained the process. I tried to listen, but I found myself distracted by his voice. He made math sound sexy. Words like “exponent” and “divide” took on new meaning when they slid from his lips.

When he had to leave for work at four-thirty, I was disappointed. I tried to convince him not to go as I walked him out to the porch, but he just smiled and said he’d call me later that night. Then he kissed me goodbye and left.

Devon drove a few miles out of town to an old trailer situated in the middle of a fork in the road. The front yard looked like a chaotic parking lot. Cars were parked in different directions, stretching from one end of the trailer to the other. Devon pulled RJ’s car in between a large black truck and a red car that looked like it hadn’t moved in years. All the tires were flat and weeds had grown up to the windows.

I looked around, leery about getting out. It was dark and creepy. Aside from the front parking lot, the trailer was surrounded by trees. The bare branches loomed ominously overhead. When Devon turned the headlights off, the only light was the faint glow coming from the sides of the trailer windows. My heartbeat sped up. It looked like we’d just driven into a scene from a horror movie.

Devon reached over and put his hand on my leg. It startled me. I turned to look at him and he smiled softly. Then he opened his door and got out of the car. The dome light turned off when he shut the door and I lost sight of him. My heart sank a little. I took a deep breath to stoke my courage. When he opened my door and the light came on again, I felt a little better, but I still didn’t want to be there. It took determination to make my feet move to get out of the car. As I did, I took Devon’s hand before the door shut. I didn’t want to lose track of him again.

I held his hand tightly as we walked toward the door. The yard was so dark I couldn’t see where my feet were stepping. I felt myself going into panic mode. As he led me up the porch steps, I clutched his hand as tightly as I could, terrified about going inside.

“You’ll be okay,” he said. “They don’t bite. Well, most of them don’t.”

“I know,” I replied meekly.

He chuckled and knocked on the door. After a few seconds, it opened. A guy I didn’t recognize stood on the inside. I had to put my hand over my mouth to stop from screaming when I saw him. He was frightening. His dark hair hung down past his shoulders and he wore black lipstick. There were at least half a dozen piercings on his face studded with silver loops. When he put his cigarette to his lips, I saw that his fingernails were also black and he wore various silver rings with skulls and snakes. I slid behind Devon and held my breath, waiting for the guy to pull out some sort of satanic knife and attack us.

“Hey, Devon,” the guy said with a smile. “What’s up, man?”

“Not much,” Devon replied.

“This your girl?” the gaunt man asked.

“Yeah.” Devon nodded.

“Hey.” The guy looked around Devon’s shoulder at me.

“This is Carter’s brother, Chase,” Devon explained. “This is his place.”

“Hi,” I squeaked, trying to keep my distance from the stranger. It didn’t seem possible that this terrifying person could be related to a scrawny nerd like Carter.

“You want anything from the liquor store?” Chase turned back to Devon. “I was just headed out to get some more beer.”

“I’m good.” Devon shook his head. “I’ve got to get her home in a few hours.”

“Okay, man,” Chase said, slapping Devon on the shoulder as he stepped out.

Devon led me inside and shut the door. I stayed behind him, peeking around his arm at the rest of the room. It wasn’t much to look at. The carpet was orange shag and the furniture looked like it hadn’t been new since the seventies. There was a dozen or more people gathered in the tiny room. I recognized some of them, but others were strangers.

“What is
she
doing here?” A girl’s voice asked from the corner.

I turned to see the dark-haired girl glaring at me. She looked like she was about to cross the room and tear my head off. I didn’t want to show fear, but she and her friends scared me. Without any adults around I wasn’t sure what they would do.

“He’s got nerve,” one of the girls sitting near her added.

Devon looked at the girls, and then tugged on my hand. “Come on.”

I followed him through the crowded front room and into the kitchen. Carter sat at a small table with two older guys playing poker. There was a small stack of coins and one dollar bills in the middle.

“I didn’t think we’d see you until later on, Dev.” Carter looked up when we walked in. “You want me to deal you in?”

“Sure.” Devon nodded as he walked over to the refrigerator and pulled open the door. Taking out a bottle of Budweiser, he offered it to me. I took it, even though I didn’t really like beer. With everyone watching, I didn’t want to look like a prude. I already felt like a minnow in a pool full of sharks. There was no need to chum the water.

Devon grabbed another bottle and shut the refrigerator door. Then he walked back to the table and sat in the last available chair. I stood between him and Carter, watching the other two boys at the table cautiously.

“What are we playing?” Devon asked as he twisted the top off his beer.

“Five card stud,” Carter answered.

Devon leaned forward and pulled out his wallet. He unfolded it and sorted through the bills quickly. Taking out a few, he folded it back up, unhooked the chain attached to it from his belt, and handed it to me. I stared at it for a second before I wound the chain around the outside and put it in my coat pocket.

“You’re going to let her have your wallet?” One of the older boys chuckled.

“Dangerous business, D.” The other shook his head.

“I wouldn’t let a woman near my money,” the first boy said. “That’s a good way to go broke.”

“I’m not worried about it,” Devon answered. “If Tori wants it, she can have it.”

“Tori?” The second boy looked at me. “As in Chris’ sister, Tori?”

I nodded.

He turned back to Devon and chuckled. “Dude, you got balls.”

“Why’s that?” I asked.

“No reason.” The boy shook his head, still chuckling.

“My brother knows we’re together,” I said.

The two older boys laughed. I had no idea what the joke was, but I got the impression that I was the butt of it. My cheeks blushed and I could feel the last bit of confidence I had running out the door. If I wouldn’t have been so far from home, I might have followed it. Instead, I stood there, desperately trying not to look any more like a loser than I felt.

Devon turned, grabbed my hand, and pulled me toward him. I sat down on his leg and he put his arm around me. Then he took a drink of his beer, glancing around the table at the other boys. Their laughter faded and they returned to the game.

I watched as they played through a few hands. Devon sat casually watching the other boys. He didn’t seem all that concerned about the game. I guessed that was because he appeared to be winning. The pile of cash on our side of the table had grown from the few bills he’d taken out of his wallet.

Shifting his weight, Devon pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one. Carter grabbed the ashtray and set it down in front of me. Devon slid it to the other side of the table and set down his cigarette. He finished off his beer, and then tossed the bottle into the trash can behind Carter. I handed him the unopened bottle he’d given me earlier, taking my coat off and leaning back against him as he unscrewed the cap.

The boys played through several hands before the dark-haired girl walked into the kitchen. I looked over to see her standing in the doorway, staring at Devon like a lioness ready to pounce on her unsuspecting prey. It made me uneasy. I’d just started to relax.

“You boys having fun?” she asked, taking a step toward the table.

“What’s up, Claire?” the boy to the right glanced back at her.

“Nothing,” she replied. “Just came to check on you guys. Who’s winning?”

“D’s taking us to the cleaners,” Marty said.

“Of course he is.” She giggled. “He always does.”

She walked over, putting her hand on Devon’s right shoulder. He scowled at her and she pulled her hand back quickly. Then she smiled and glanced at the other boys.

“We going to play, or not?” Marty asked.

“Can I play?” Claire asked.

“Sure,” the boy to the right answered. “We’ll deal you in on the next hand.”

She sat down on the boy’s lap and put her forearms on the table. When she leaned forward, the neckline of her shirt went down so that everyone in front of her could see straight down it. Devon stared at her as he took a drink of his beer. I elbowed him in the stomach and he looked away quickly, coughing.

“Get yourself in trouble, Dev?” Carter chuckled.

Devon looked at him. “Just deal.”

Carter finished shuffling the cards and started to deal them out, adding Claire into the game. She picked up her cards as he dropped them, leaning onto the table a little farther. Carter paused, captivated by her breasts nearly falling out of her shirt. Devon looked at her again and shifted his weight in his chair. I didn’t like the way he looked at her. It made me extremely uncomfortable.

Throughout the next few hands, she turned up the heat. It was like competing with the real life version of Jessica Rabbit. I didn’t want to stoop to her level, but I was worried that if I didn’t do something, she’d lure Devon away from me. Turning sideways, I rested my elbow on his shoulder and ran my fingers through his hair. Then I kissed his cheek and asked if he wanted another beer.

“Sure, Baby Doll,” he answered, kissing me before I got up.

“Anyone else?” I asked as I opened the refrigerator.

“No, thanks,” Marty and the other boys said.

“Carter?” I looked at the scrawny nerd.

“I’m good,” Carter answered, picking up a bottle of generic cola.

Chase’s refrigerator was one of the most disgusting things I had ever seen. There were a few different types of mold growing on what looked like it might have been food at one point, splatters of unknown substances stuck to the sides, an almost empty half-gallon of curdled milk, an opened box of microwave burritos, and what remained of the three cases of beer Chase had gotten at the liquor store. I held my breath to stop from gagging as I retrieved a beer and shut the door quickly.

When I turned back to the table, Claire was leaned over the corner, asking Devon something about her car. It had evidently developed some kind of knock and she wanted him to fix it.

“I’ll see if I can take a look at it tomorrow after work,” Devon said.

“Thank you so much.” Claire put her hand on Devon’s arm.

I set the beer down on the counter, took my sweater off, and adjusted my camisole so that the neckline was lower. Then I walked back to the table and stepped between Devon and Claire, forcing her to move her hand. As I gave Devon his beer, I leaned down and kissed his check.

“Here you go, baby,” I whispered.

“Thanks.” He grinned.

Standing beside him, I ran my fingers through his hair as the poker game continued. Claire attempted to regain his attention, but it didn’t work. He hardly noticed her. When my legs got tired, I slipped onto Devon’s lap again. He put his arm around me, sliding his hand up the bottom of my shirt onto my stomach. It made me a little uncomfortable considering the close proximity of his friends, but I didn’t say anything. From the way that Claire and the other girls acted I’d gotten a pretty good idea of the kind of girl I thought Devon liked. If I wanted to keep him away from them, I figured I’d have to act more like they did.