The Blue Horse (5 page)

Three black plastic bags – all they had in the world wrapped up in a few plastic bags. Katie was trying to stuff some clothes into one. Then she lifted them out to Uncle Mike’s car. Maggie helped her squash them into the boot, which was full of old car batteries and junk. The twins were hanging around the car door. They didn’t look themselves. They were too neat and too tidy and far too quiet. They’re scared too, Katie guessed.

Mam and Auntie Brigid were talking. The last few days had been a terrible strain on both families.

‘Too many children in too small a space,’ Brigid said consolingly. They were all getting on each other’s nerves. Even Maggie and herself had had a fight. Katie spilled some tea on a white jumper of Maggie’s and her cousin called her a clumsy cow and told her to wash it straight away. But they had made it up.

Da disappeared off every day, hoping something would turn up, but he had no luck. He slept in the car at night.

Mam tried again and again to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen.

‘We can go back on the road if you don’t like the house, I promise, Ned. Just give it a try. We need a roof over our heads for the winter.’

‘I don’t want a house. I’ll not go.’

‘You have no choice, we all have no choice.’

‘There is a choice. No one in a big city office will decide where my children grow up or how they live!’

They had made a kind of tent in the field and the boys slept in it. Mam had brought out bread and marmalade to them for their breakfast. Da sat crosslegged with them.

‘It’s this morning, Ned!’

Da kept eating the bread and said nothing.

‘We’ll get the keys of the house today, Ned. Number 167 Ashfield Drive will be ours.’

He just ignored her.

‘You’ve got to come and see it, Ned. I can’t do it all on my own.’

‘I’m busy today. You do what you want.’ He got up and waving the car keys in his hand jumped into the old Ford and took off, sending scuds of dust into the early morning air.

‘Well, that’s it!’ said Mam, a strange emptiness in her voice, as she watched him drive off. ‘You lot get up and get tidied, there’s plenty of work to be done. Fold up that tent and pack up!’

Katie felt as if she was in a dream.

Mam seemed like a stranger, her face set like a mask. She put Katie in charge of Davey. He was very fractious, knowing something was up, and he was fretting and upset. Katie tried to play with
him but her mind wasn’t on it at all. Miss O’Gorman arrived at about half-past eleven.

‘Mrs Connors, there’s been a bit of a change of plan. We have to delay moving you into the house until later on today.’

‘Is there a problem about it?’ Mam queried.

‘No … well …’

‘What is it?’

‘Well … actually, the house is fine, the men went out to check that everything was in order this morning. But we have a little bit of a problem all right.’

‘What sort of problem?’

‘Well … well … actually one or two of the neighbours are objecting to you moving in.’

‘What do you mean, objecting?’

‘They’re walking up and down outside on the road.’

‘You mean it’s a protest, or a march? Is that it? I’ve heard about that from other travellers. People shouting and screaming at you, telling you you’re not wanted. My God, are they the kind of neighbours we’re going to have?’

Katie felt scared. ‘We won’t go, Mam, we’ll stay here. Da’ll sort something out. Tell them to keep their stinking, rotten house. We don’t want it.’

‘Maybe Katie’s right. Maybe we shouldn’t go if we’re not wanted there.’ Mam was on the verge of tears.

‘No! No! Mrs Connors, it’s not that, it’s not you
personally they’re objecting to, it’s just travellers in general, settling, being given a house. They think it might bring trouble to their area.’

‘We’ll bring no trouble nor give no trouble, did you tell them that?’

‘I did. I talked to some of them myself. Some of it is that they have children and relations waiting a long time for a house and they feel you’ve jumped the queue, so to speak.’

‘But we were never in a queue.’

‘Yes, yes, I know that. And we have to make provision for emergency housing, all state agencies have to. Try not to let it bother you.’

‘What do we do now?’

‘I think it’s wise to wait until after seven o’clock. Hopefully they’ll have got fed up and gone home by then.’

Mam seemed deflated. A worried frown creased her face. Katie had sense enough not to try and talk about what was going on.

Auntie Brigid had made a huge meal for them all – you’d nearly think it was going to be their last meal ever! And there was a big sponge cake with mandarin oranges on the top for dessert, a real treat.

Six o’clock came, then seven, and there was still no sign of Da.

‘Brigid, how can I ever thank you for being so good to us?’ Mam and Auntie Brigid hugged each
other as if they were going to be separated for ever.

‘When I get a chance in a week or so I’ll come over to see the place and we’ll have a chat.’

Mam nodded dumbly.

Hannah and Bridey were running around the field for the last time. Katie picked up Davey and stood in the centre of it all, the only world she’d ever known. The trailers and vans and the blackened site where their home had been. She glanced at the spot where Francis’s caravan had been, and the goats. Nan Maguire had been right. This wasn’t a lucky place. Katie knew in her heart that once they left, it would be only a matter of a few days and the rest of them would be gone too. In a few weeks’ time the grass would be high again. When they left this time a huge gulf would divide the Connors family from the rest of the travellers, separating those in houses and those on the road. They had lost so much already and they would be different now from their kinfolk and family.

Uncle Mike was getting impatient. Tom had caught Duffy and was sitting in the back of the car, trying to stop the dog whining to get out.

‘Into the car, come on, I haven’t all evening,’ shouted Uncle Mike.

Hannah and the twins got in and sat staring out. The other children had run off and were playing down behind the caravans and already seemed to have forgotten their existence.

Mam held two battered saucepans in her hand and a brand new frying pan still in its wrapper, a present from the Caseys. She kept looking up towards the roadway, hoping Da would appear.

‘Where’s Da?’ whinged Brian. ‘I won’t go to the new house without Da!’

‘He’s got a bit of business,’ Mam answered.

‘But where is he? He should be here by now.’

‘He had to go to Galway,’ Mam answered firmly. ‘Now be good or he’ll be right cross with you when he does see you.’

Katie squeezed in beside her brothers and took Davey on her lap.

Mam and Brigid were whispering to each other. Brigid shrugged her shoulders. ‘He’ll turn up. Don’t fret, Kathleen, they’re his kids too.’

Mam got in. Uncle Mike started the engine. He beeped the horn and everyone clustered around and called goodbye and good luck.

Katie was glad that Francis and his grandmother were not here. She could never have said goodbye without crying if he was still there. Maggie flung a few sweets in at them through the open window. Even Duffy managed to grab one and swallowed it in one gulp, still wrapped in its paper.

Katie half-expected Da to pull up in the car and jump out to say he’d got a new trailer and found a great place to camp. Time was running out. But he didn’t … Time was frozen still.

She could hear the horn beeping and felt the
motion as the car lurched forward. The others were waving goodbye. Mam stared straight ahead and didn’t say a word. Katie knew it was hopeless. She pulled Davey closer.

‘This little piggy went to market,’ she said mechanically, lifting up one little bare toe after another. She had no interest in looking out the window, she didn’t give a toss about where they were going. A part of her was dead.

They were leaving the life they knew, giving up the road, giving up freedom.

Ashfield estate was about twelve miles away, a huge, sprawling mass of houses built outside a large town. It was a late August evening, still bright when they arrived and lots of kids were playing in the roads, kicking footballs and hitting little multicoloured balls with tennis racquets. Bikes of every size wove in and out and little girls pushed prams with dolls.

‘Plenty of kids anyway,’ Uncle Mike laughed. They passed row after row of houses, one the same as the next. Bare-looking trees pushed their way up through concrete paths and tired-looking grass added a hint of green in places. It was a huge estate, like a big grey maze that once you entered you’d never find your way out.

The twins both sat up.

‘Is this Ashfield, Mam?’ asked Brian.

‘Yes, pet, this is it, but we have to find our road.’

‘Doesn’t look too bad,’ announced Paddy.

Katie sighed. Trust the twins. Once they had a ball and a few people to kick it around with, they were happy. From the corner of her eye she spotted groups of girls here and there, sitting on garden walls or just standing around, all in denims. They stared at the car, they stared at her. Some giggled.

‘More tinkers!’ she heard one of them jeer.

Houses, houses, and every one of them the same. It was all so drab-looking. Mother of God, how would they even know which one was meant to be theirs? Three windows and a front door. Most of them hadn’t even a number.

‘Are you sure you have the right address?’ Uncle Mike was driving up and down the roads, certain that they were passing houses they had seen already.

At last Mam recognised Miss O’Gorman’s car and shouted, ‘Stop, Mike, it’s somewhere here, slow down.’

‘Thanks be to God,’ said their uncle, braking and swinging the car around suddenly, knocking the front wheel off the kerb.

‘Look there, it’s Miss O’Gorman, Mam!’ Hannah was waving at the social worker who was standing at the front door.

A middle-aged man, two women and a teenage boy marched up and down in front of number 167. They held a piece of cardboard on a stick. ‘No More Tinkers’ was printed on it with black marker.

‘Who are those people, Mam?’ asked Brian.

‘I suppose they must be the protesters, your new neighbours,’ said Uncle Mike.

Everybody seemed to stop and turn and stare into the car.

‘Come on in, Mrs Connors.’ Miss O’Gorman came running down the path to the gate. She
ignored the hostile group and urged Mam and the children out of the car.

‘No more timkers here!’ shouted the group of protesters. ‘Tinkers out!’

‘Don’t take any notice of them,’ Miss O’Gorman said and she marched straight up to the front door, turned the key and swung it open. ‘Come on in,’ she called, beckoning them forward.

They all stood on the path and kept their eyes down, then slowly made their way to the door avoiding the noisy group. Some of the children playing had stopped to watch. Katie’s face burned scarlet and she clutched Hannah’s hand tightly.

The house looked like all the others except maybe a bit worse. The driveway was cracked and bits of moss grew up through it. The hall door was painted a cream colour but was peeling.

‘It’s not too bad, is it?’ said Mam anxiously.

‘Kathleen, it’s grand, a right little palace. Well built and solid, by the look of it,’ her brother-in-law answered her, and then moved off to get their stuff from his car.

‘Well, Katie and Hannah, Tom and Paddy and Brian, aren’t you coming in to look at your new home?’ Miss O’Gorman smiled at them.

Katie still held Hannah’s hand. ‘Mam, come on, you go first,’ she urged. It was Mam’s place to take the first step. It was too important, only Mam should do it.

Mam walked through the door and the rest of them followed one by one. Mam’s eyes darted around nervously, taking in the whole place.

‘Well, Kathleen! What do you think?’ Miss O’Gorman was smiling from ear to ear.

Mam was barely able to talk.

‘It’s lovely, Miss, we’ll make it a right proper home,’ Katie filled in.

The shouting was still going on outside, but soon Miss O’Gorman closed the door.

‘Don’t worry about them,’ she said, ‘they’ve lost their steam and they’ll go off home soon, you’ll see. I’m sure they’ll leave you alone after this – they’ve made their protest. Anyway, the house is yours now and they can’t do a thing about it.’

They stood in the living-room where there was a big window that looked out on the roadway and at the houses directly across. Down the small hallway was a kitchen with a window and a door leading to the back garden, a small square of concrete and grass where a whirly washing line lay spreadeagled and broken. The other room was smaller and darker and it was totally empty, with bare wooden floorboards.

The twins began to run around, the dog following them as they chased in and out of the rooms shouting. Duffy was demented with excitement and ran around in circles in a frenzy of running and yelping. Tom stood awkward and
embarrassed. He didn’t know where to go or what to do so he went out to help Uncle Mike. Hannah was jumping up and down. ‘My house, my house, my house,’ she sang in a strange secret voice.

Katie looked around. It was smaller than she’d imagined and everything was painted brown or beige. The place needed a good clean out. She noticed cigarette burns on the lino in the kitchen.

‘It’s massive,’ shouted Brian.

He raced up the stairs and the thump and clatter of feet came from the bare floorboards above Katie’s head.

‘Come and see the bedrooms and the bathroom, Katie,’ Hannah shouted down at her.

Mam was chatting to Miss O’Gorman who was busy explaining the electricity meter and the gas meter and showing her how to heat water with the immersion. She pointed out the different keys and told Mam what day the bin men came and where the shops were.

‘I know it’s very empty, Kathleen, but tomorrow we’ll organise beds and some furniture and a few bits and pieces, maybe a rug or two …’

‘I’ll be fine, Miss, we’ll fix it up and make it comfy, just wait and see.’

‘Will you stay the night then or come back tomorrow?’

‘No, we’ve enough to do us. Brigid and Mike gave us a loan of some sleeping bags and cushions. We’ll make do – this is our place now
and we’re here to stay,’ Mam announced firmly.

Katie smiled to herself and went to join the others upstairs. The big bedroom would be for Mam and Da and Davey. She was sure that Da would join them in time. Evening sunlight flooded the room. A bare bulb hung from a wire in the ceiling and swung backwards and forwards. A long mirror was screwed onto the wall. Katie stared at the reflection. The girl who stared back at her looked strange. She was able to see her whole self, the long skinny legs with the bumpy knees and the shortish body. Maggie’s shirt was a bit too loose and made her look bigger than she really was. Her skin was fair and summertime had painted a multitude of light brown freckles all over her arms and shoulders and face. Her hair was far too thick and red, and it escaped from the navy hairband and strayed all around her. She pulled a face, then straightened herself.

‘Hi, Kathleen Connors! Welcome to your new home,’ she mimicked in a posh voice.

‘Talking to yourself, Katie, you know what they say!’ She blushed and caught sight of Tom who came and stood behind her. He was only a little bit taller than her but was of a much more sturdy build. His young face was serious and so like Da’s.

‘Do you think it’ll change us?’ Katie wondered.

He shrugged. ‘Maybe.’

‘Will you change, Tom?’

‘I don’t know if I can change, if it’s that easy.’

‘But we have a house now.’

‘I know, but we’re still travellers born and bred.’

‘We always will be,’ she agreed.

‘Yeah, but people are always trying to change people into something else, make them more brainy, make them stronger, make them thinner, better-looking, make them richer, make them kinder, make them the opposite of what they are. I’m not sure if I can or if I want to change, or for that matter if I want to stay in a house!’

‘It’s a nice house, we’re lucky to get one.’

‘Yeah, but maybe I really am like Da and can’t settle. I wanted to stay with him but no one bothered to ask what I wanted.’

‘Kaa-tie!’ Hannah was calling her.

She stared back into the mirror. Her eyes locked with those of her brother. Tom never said much but in those few seconds she could see pain and bewilderment and confusion. A little boy lost, a boy who wasn’t a man yet, but a kind of a man who wished he was still a boy.

Abruptly he turned and went in to join the twins in the bedroom. She followed silently. A rather wrecked-looking bunk frame was still attached to the walls. The wood had been painted scarlet and black by the last tenants, yet it would look all right once new mattresses were got.

‘I’ll put my bed opposite you lot,’ grunted Tom, throwing a navy sleeping bag on the floor
to mark out his spot straight away.

Hannah grabbed Katie and drew her into the small bedroom. It was tiny.

‘We’ll need bunks, Katie, but isn’t it lovely?’

The walls were bare but at some stage had been painted pink, someone – probably the last girl to sleep in the room – had covered the door with stickers and transfers. The small square window looked out at the back of the house, straight at the house behind, at walls and windows, more walls and more windows. There wasn’t even a bit of a curtain. Katie spied a girl standing in a kitchen, then a man cutting bread, making sandwiches. Everybody could see everybody else. Through the gaps between the houses, in the far distance beneath the line of evening cloud she could see the gentle curving green, smudged with the darker green of trees. It was the mountains – the Dublin Mountains. She thought of Da; he always liked the mountains. If you stared really hard you could almost imagine you could touch them.

‘Ma, come up to the wee room. I can see the mountains.’

‘Later, pet.’

‘Bye, everyone!’ It was Miss O’Gorman leaving. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow morning again.’ The front door closed and Katie heard the sound of the engine starting. Uncle Mike and Mam came in and walked around the house.

He admired every bit of the place.

‘Honest to God, woman, if Brigid sees this I won’t get a bit of peace.’

‘Oh Mike … I …’

‘I’m only joking, girl, you’ve done right well for yourself getting this place. I’ll tell Ned all about it, but, well, you know how he is, it’ll take him time to come round.’

Uncle Mike hugged them all. He gave them a fifty-pence piece each and told them it was for sweets in the local shop and to get something small for Davey too. They stood at the door and waved goodbye as he drove off back down the road. The protesters had gone at last and they ignored the stares of the neighbours and went back inside and closed the door.

Mam was so excited despite being tired. She had found an old bag with a bit of coal out in the back garden and also a half block of turf briquettes. Tom brought them in.

‘I know it’s still summer but the night is getting cool,’ Mam said. ‘Will I light the fire?’ It seemed to take ages but eventually it began to catch.

There were no curtains on any of the windows. Tom and Katie went into the kitchen. There was an old cooker there, which needed a huge amount of cleaning, and one small cupboard attached to the wall. They took out a full sliced pan and made plateful after plateful of toast. Katie scraped each slice with butter quickly so it would melt straight away. They boiled water in a saucepan and made mugs of tea. Then they all sat
crosslegged around the fire sipping the tea, full of milk and sugar, trying to relax. Katie’s only regret was that Da wasn’t there amongst them all. Mam chatted and told them about the tiny wagon she had grown up in. What would Grandma Whelan say if she saw this fine big house!

Paddy and Brian were yawning like mad, their cheeks flushed with sleep.

‘Come on, I think it’s time for bed, everyone,’ Mam declared.

The light switch in the boys’ room didn’t work, so they clambered in the dark into the bunks despite having no mattresses, and pulled a blanket around themselves. Tom zipped up his sleeping bag. Uncle Mike had given him a radio when he left the site and Tom turned it on really low. Mam left them the torch.

Hannah and Katie had two pillows, a light blanket to lie on and a multicoloured nylon sleeping bag which they used as a quilt.

Katie could hear the twins giggling and then she heard Tom turning off his radio. It was a funny thing, but houses seemed to be full of strange noises – water running through a pipe overhead, creaking sounds from the roof, and every time someone moved on the floorboards she could hear it.

Mam was moving around downstairs. She seemed very far away. Even Tom and the twins were a long way off. She rolled to one side. Hannah was out for the count and her mouth
hung open. She murmured the odd time in her sleep and gradually Katie could feel herself slipping … there was something strange, something missing … what was it? Then it came to her – it was standing still and it looked almost wooden. It raised its long neck and tossed its mane, which caught the breeze. It stared at her, then it began to run, to gallop. They were near the slope of a mountain – it cantered and whinnied and drew itself up on its back legs. It shook its head back and forth and its huge eyes never left her face. It wanted all her attention. The blue horse was calling to her. It was so big. She walked towards it, making soft little sounds, ready to pat it, to stroke it, to calm it down.

Its large hooves pushed backwards – it swished its blue tail and snorted; this was no ordinary horse. It could see into her very soul. The horse was lost, it was scared, it was angry. The nearer she got the more her sense of danger was alerted. The horse might kick her! It reared up.

She was reaching out to touch it, to pat it, when a roll of hooves took it off away from her. It was going further and further away … the blue horse was going … with a jolt she sat up. She felt empty, disorientated. The room was so strange.

‘Mam! Mam!’

She sat up. Honest to God, she was as bad as the twins or Hannah, waking up with a
nightmare.