The Road To Forgiveness (11 page)

My hands grip the sheets tightly as I scream
my release. His hands continue to pump inside me until I start to
come down from my orgasm. That might be a record for the fastest I
have ever come.

Sebastian pulls his fingers out of my pussy
and lifts them to my lips.

“Suck yourself off of me. I want to see you
loose yourself in desire,” he says in a commanding voice.

I hesitate. I want to do this for him but I
can’t imagine liking what he is suggesting.

Sebastian senses this and before I can
explain he make the decision for me. He moves his fingers to his
mouth and sucks my release off his fingers.

“As always, you taste delicious.”

He turns me to him and kisses me briefly on
the lips before getting up out of bed.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to use the washroom, then I’m
going to order breakfast from room service. We will eat in bed
since you are supposed to be on bed rest, and then we are going to
talk. I’ve had four weeks to think about everything and I believe
communication between us is the key to us working out in the
end.”

With that he turns around and enters the
bathroom. I stretch my body out. I’m sore in all the right places.
It seems my body has missed Sebastian, too! Luckily, we’ve made up
for it the past couple days.

I can do this.

I can make a relationship with Sebastian
work. For the first time in weeks I’m entertaining the idea of a
life with Sebastian. Living together, working together, and raising
a baby together.

Sebastian comes back to bed and we snuggle
together under the covers. I’m just enjoying the feels of his arms
around me. His presence calms me.

“Breakfast should be here in fifteen
minutes.”

“Uh huh,” I say sleepily.

I feel his chest start to move in a silent
laugh. “I wore you out last night, didn’t I?”

I nod my head into his chest, to tired to
speak.

“Go back to sleep. I ordered a spread of
fresh fruit and bagels so you don’t have to worry about your food
getting cold.

I don’t say anything as I burrow my head
closer to his chest. Within moments I am drifting off to sleep.

*****

I wake up in an empty bed. I can hear the
soft sound of the television playing in the other room. I get up
and put one of Sebastian’s t-shirts on before walking into the next
room. Sebastian is drinking his coffee while reading the newspaper.
He is dressed casually again today in Khaki pants and navy fitted
t-shirt. His hair is damp from just taking a shower and he sits on
the sofa with one of his legs propped up on his knee.

He hears me come in and looks up from his
paper. A smile spreads across his face.

“Hello there, sleeping beauty. I was about to
go wake you up.”

I walk over to him and place a kiss on his
forehead. His hands come up and grip my hips to keep me in
place.

“You look different today. Almost lighter,
happier,” I say to him as my hand comes up to touch his lips.

“I am happier. I have you back. There is
nothing that could make me feel better than that.” He kisses my
fingers and then slaps me gently on the butt. “Go eat something and
then we’ll talk.”

I squeal a little bit and then mockingly
salute him with a, “Yes, Sir.”

For the first time in my life I’m in a
playful mood. I feel good about that.

I walk over to the room service cart and
start piling fruit and an onion bagel on my plate. I spread
strawberry cream cheese on my bagel and sit down next to Sebastian.
The local news is on but he isn’t paying much attention to it.

“Do you mind if I change the channel?”

He looks up from his paper and grins at me.
“You don’t want to know about what’s happening in the world? Okay,
change the channel. Go watch some meaningless television where you
can find out about what Kim Kardasian’s favorite restaurant is or
who Robert Pattinson is dating now. The war in the middle east, gas
prices sky rocketing, and changes to the U.S. Constitution can
wait.”

I refuse to feed into his teasing so I grab
the remote. “Thank you.”

I’m about to change the channel when the
newscaster’s words have me glued to the television.

“
Today the State’s prosecution team will
be meeting with the law team that represents defendant, Kyle
Monroe, in one of the highest rape profile cases the state of
Georgia has ever seen. Kyle Monroe is currently serving a 20-year
sentence for raping at least seven women in Atlanta, almost five
years ago. Monroe was found guilty of these charges but his law
team recently filed an appeal with the court, claiming they have
new evidence to show Monroe’s innocence. The meetings that are
being held today are to determine if the evidence is substantial
enough to go back to trial. We will keep you updated with the
latest breaking news on this case.

“
In other news, a string of house
invasions is starting to worry the residents of Savannah- ”

I turn the television off as I feel
Sebastian’s arms wrap around me.

“You okay?”

Was I okay? This case has nothing directly to
do with me but I can’t help but feel like this is a part of Kyle’s
penance for what he did to me. Knowing there is a chance he can
walk free makes me sick to my stomach. I want to lie and tell
Sebastian I’m fine but I wouldn’t do that. If I’m trying to give us
a real chance, then I have to be completely honest with him.

“It hurts to see that he might walk away from
this but I’m going to work on being okay with it. I can’t let him
rule over my life forever.”

He kisses my cheek softly as he skims his
nose up the side of my face.

“You’re magnificent, you know that? So
beautiful, so strong, and mine. I’m the luckiest bastard alive
because I have you with me right now.”

I turn in his arms to face him.

“You wanted to talk, so lets talk. I’m
willing to try and make this work. This next month can be our trial
month,” I hesitate before I say what’s next. “I’m willing to go to…
counseling… therapy… whatever the hell it’s called but it’s not a
guarantee. In a month, I might still decide I can’t do this. I want
you to be prepared for that.”

I glide my hands up his strong biceps and
rest them on his shoulders. “I also want you to know that I love
you and I want this to work. I’m going to try my best not to run.
It’s my first instinct, the only thing I’m really good at but I’ll
try, for you I’ll try.”

He kisses me briefly on the lips before
pulling away. “You’re good at a lot of things, Mia. I’m going to do
my best and show you that.”

I nuzzle my head into his neck; seeking the
warmth I always feel when I’m close to him.

“So you’re not mad at me? You forgive me for
running and leaving you?”

His hand slowly caresses up and down my back
in a soothing pattern.

“I’m not mad at you, Honey. I was never mad
at you. I just didn’t understand and now, I’m starting to. I’m
going to help you get through this so we can move forward,
together. I love you, Mia. Whenever you feel the urge to run,
remember that. “

I hold him for a few more minutes, never
wanting to let go. Sadly, we can’t stay in this room forever.

“Do you want to go see my mother?” I ask
him.

“That would be nice. You’ll have to be
careful though. You’re supposed to be resting the next two weeks. I
was thinking we could look into making your first appointment with
a therapist today. I did some research while you were gone
yesterday. A friend of mine has a buddy who is a therapist. His
practice is about an hour away from here. Unless you want to go
back to Miami. I know of some wonderful therapists down there.”

“Do you know of these therapists first hand?”
I ask jokingly. Sebastian takes me by surprise when he nods his
head.

“When your parents are filthy rich and can’t
spend a lot of time with you, they send you to therapy instead. At
least, that’s what my parents did. The first few years I took it as
a complete joke. I’m surprised my therapist stuck with me. I was
waiting for him to tell my parents he wouldn’t work with me
anymore. I was horrible to him.

“Then, around the time I was fifteen, I
started opening up to him. I don’t know what changed all of a
sudden, but I knew it felt good to talk to him. I was a very angry
kid and held a lot of resentment towards my parents. He helped me
work though that and I established a better relationship with them.
It wasn’t great. I still wish my Dad and I got along better before
he died, but it was a far cry from the kid who wouldn’t even
acknowledge their presence.”

“I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

“How could you? I’ve never shared this with
you before. My relationship with my mother is a lot better now. We
don’t get to see each other very often because she lives in Europe,
but I speak with her on the phone often.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” I say as I get up
from the sofa.

I collect my cup and dish and place it back
on the room service cart. I’m suddenly self-conscious of Sebastian
watching me.

“Lets make a few phone calls and get an
appointment set up. Worst case scenario, it doesn’t work and I stay
a messed up individual who you are helplessly in love with.”

Sebastian stands and walks over to me while
placing his hands on my hips. “That would be fine with me. I’ll
take you in whatever form I can get you.”

I smile up at him. I can’t help thinking how
incredibly lucky I am that he loves me. That after everything I’ve
put him through, he wants to stick by me. I hope I don’t let him
down.

It’s Christmas Eve morning and I can feel the
cool air hit my face. I just came from visiting Miles at the
cemetery and filling him in on Sebastian, my appointment with Dr.
Krane this morning, and how I suck at being on bed rest. I’ve been
visiting Miles every day and filling him in on the new developments
of my life. It seems to get a little easier each time I visit
him.

Now I’m walking in to another appointment
with Doctor Krane. I have seen her four times in the last two
weeks. We opted to go with a female therapist instead of
Sebastian’s connection he got from a close friend. I thought I
would be more comfortable speaking with a woman because of all my
trust issues with men.

She has been great so far. Our first
appointment was a bust. I had a hard time talking to her about
everything. She did her best to make me feel comfortable and by the
second appointment, I was spilling my life story to her. She would
listen to everything I’d say and then take her time in expressing
her opinion.

It feels good to talk about everything with
someone who isn’t connected to me personally. I used to see a
therapist when I was in night school and pregnant with Miles. I
remember it helping but the therapy was short lived. Once I had
Miles, I was no longer able to participate in the program and I
couldn’t afford to go to therapy on my own.

I walk into the one story building and head
to the left. Dr. Krane’s office is the first door on my right.
Sebastian has gone to the last three appointments with me and
waited in the waiting room. Today he had to leave me on my own so
that he could get some last minute Christmas shopping done.

I walk into the office where Dr. Krane’s
secretary sits behind a wall with an open window.

“My name is Mia Dechino and I have a ten
o’clock appointment with Doctor Krane.”

“Okay, Ms. Dechino, if you have a seat the
doctor will be with you shortly.”

I nod my head and walk over to the few seats
in the small waiting room. There is a small selection of health
magazines on the magazine rack but other than that the room is very
plain.

I sit down and pull out my phone to send a
quick text to Jonathon.

Me: Lunch?

Jonathon: Sure thing. Where and what
time?

Me: I’m in the mood for something
greasy.

Jonathon: Burgers and fries?

Me: Sounds good. How about Outback?
11:30?

Jonathon: Delish, I’ll be there.

Me: c u then.

I send a quick text to Sebastian letting him
know the plans for the day.

Me: Going to lunch with Jonathon after
session with the Doc.

Sebastian: Have fun. What time should I
expect you back?

Me: Between 1-2ish. We have to be at my
mother’s by six.

Sebastian: Great. Love you!

Me: Love you too!

I put my phone in my purse just as the
secretary tells me its time to go back. I get up and walk through
the doors of Dr. Krane’s office. It’s a very neutral looking room
with a desk in the corner and two comfortable chairs in the middle
of the room. It’s not a cliché looking therapist’s office like you
see in the movies. There’s no sofa or chaise to lie on, where you
divulge your secrets. We sit in the chairs when we talk.

“Mia, how wonderful to see you today. I was a
little surprised when you asked to bump your appointment up.”

I shake Dr. Krane’s hand and set my purse on
the coat hanger along with my coat.

“I know it’s last minute, but I thought it
would be good to see you before the Christmas activities start.
This is my first Christmas without Miles.”

“I understand, Mia. Let’s sit and find out
what’s bothering you.”

We sit across from one another and Dr. Krane
pulls out her pen and journal.

“Okay, Mia. Before we talk the anxieties you
have about today, let’s talk about a little of what we talked about
last session. How have your nightmares been?” Dr. Krane asks
me.

I think on this for a second I haven’t had
one since I saw her last but that was only two days ago. “I haven’t
had any nightmares but I hardly call that a success. It’s only been
two nights since I’ve seen you.”