Heart's Desire (14 page)

“You are the only girl I’ve ever loved, Maddie. I know that now.”

“Nate, you were right to stay away and get your medical degree. You have so much more to give to the world. I can see that in you. Maybe I saw it in you even back then.”

“I think you did,” he replied, brushing a strand of hair off her forehead. “In a way, I have you to thank for everything that has happened to me. If you hadn’t been so strong...”

“Me? Strong? Look at me. I’m a mess!”

A wistful smile bloomed across Nate’s lips. “Maddie, you’re still the most incredible girl I’ve ever met. You always had your head on straight and you understood me better than I did myself at times. You’re beautiful—inside and out. You really don’t know that, do you?”

“Guess not,” she said. She still had too many tapes from a bitter and jealous mother in her head that hadn’t fully been erased.

Nate reached into the brown bag that held their sandwiches and handed Maddie a paper napkin. She blew her nose.

“You know, Nate, I would have liked to have been there for your graduation.” She smiled to herself. “I would have been so proud of you. Proud to see you in that uniform, all white and dashing.” She looked back at him, her mind spinning a fast scenario of what could have been. “But honestly, knowing us back then? We would have rushed to a preacher or priest or whatever, and in two seconds I would have gotten pregnant. Both your parents would have gone bonkers if we’d run away.” She smiled impishly.

“Maddie....” Nate wove his fingers into her hair and held her face close to his. “No wonder I was crazy about you back then.”

“And now?” she asked with trepidation.

“Now it’s worse,” he said, and then he kissed her. He wrapped his arms around her and covered them in the blanket again like a cocoon.

“Maddie, you have to tell me that you forgive me,” he said, kissing her lips then her cheeks. He moved his mouth close to her ear. “Please.”

“I do, Nate. I forgive you,” she said. “I forgive both of us.” She pulled her head back so she could look at him.

“Thank you, Maddie. That means the world to me. I just don’t want my mistakes to count against me. This time we have now is too important.”

She smiled but couldn’t break free from the mesmerizing hold he had on her. That was the thing about Nate. He could look at her from across a room and she would melt into those blue eyes every time. She had been putty for him back then. Apparently, she still was.

Being this close to him, in his arms, felt right. Or was it just nostalgia?

Maddie had to be sure she was making all the right choices for the right reasons. She’d come so far with the choices she’d made in her life, but that was business. This was her heart. It was one thing to be in love at seventeen. It was another to risk the rest of one’s life. The choices she made now were pivotal. Life-changing. And overwhelmingly frightening.

She had always loved Nate, but this was the new Nate. The Nate she didn’t know yet. She wanted to know him better so she could make the right decision. She had a lot of right decisions she had to make and they were all coming too fast.

“I’m different now. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” she said.

Nate kissed her eyelids and then her lips again. “I’m listening.”

“No, you’re not.” She giggled.

He loosened the blanket so that Maddie could sit back, while still keeping her close to him. “Okay, shoot.”

“I’ve been working on a business deal for a couple years now, and well, things have finally started to take off.”

“This business deal—is this why you went to Chicago yesterday?”

“How did you know about that?”

“I went to the café for lunch and you weren’t there,” he said, choosing his words carefully. He’d just won her back and he knew he needed to tread lightly. Maddie was only a hairsbreadth closer to trusting him.

She peered at him suspiciously. “What else did you hear?”

“Chloe said you were going to be like a Starbucks.”

“Chloe is young with a big mouth and a much-exaggerated imagination. I didn’t say anything to you because—”

“I haven’t earned the right,” Nate interjected. “It’s okay, Maddie. I get that. You have nothing to apologize to me for.”

Surprise registered on Maddie’s face. “I wanted to be the one to tell you. The fact is that when I left for Chicago, there was only the hope of a deal. Now that I’ve met with my investor, you truly are the first to know that he’s definitely going to buy my franchise.”

Nate broke into a wide grin. “Maddie! This is fantastic. How great for you. To see all your hard work and super ideas be accepted by someone else. Wow.” He slapped his forehead with his palm. “Man. A franchise. That is really big. Isn’t it?” he asked.

“It can be. It’s not done yet. Alex convinced him to change the name to Cupcakes and Cappuccino Café, but it’ll be my concept. My recipes. My designs. This was just the beginning of the actual negotiations, but it took me two years to come up with the business plan, and then Sarah and Charmaine...”

“Charmaine?” he asked.

“Charmaine Chalmers. She’s Sarah’s boss. She did the elevations and some of the blueprint drawings.”

“Architectural drawings?” he asked.

“Yes. Then Sarah and I worked on the interior designs, fabrics and flooring. I was specific about everything looking Italian, certainly more Italian than what I have here, which is a cottagey, homey look—”

“Which I love to death,” he said.

As Maddie continued explaining the ideas and the dreams she had for Cupcakes and Cappuccino Café, her face lit with an inner fire. Her enthusiasm was electric. She had thought through every conceivable detail. She had done all this work, and he’d been far away. He hadn’t been there for her. He hadn’t stuck around to offer the support she might have needed from him. Nate had jilted Maddie and himself out of years of friendship and partnership. Suddenly, he suddenly felt as if she was moving away from him, as though some cosmic force was deliberately putting Maddie out of his reach. He didn’t know how he could be losing her—he’d just found her again. And she was right here in his arms. Wasn’t she?

Something made him increase the pressure of his grip.

“Alex is very connected in Chicago, and he’s the one who found my investor...”

“Who’s Alex?” Nate asked. The hairs on the back of his neck stood at attention. It was an instinct he had always possessed, but it became pronounced when he was in the navy. Danger had just approached.

“He’s a partner at Ashton and Marsh,” Maddie continued. “They’re the mergers and acquisitions firm that Uncle George found for me.”

“Does George know this guy? Personally, I mean?” Nate asked a bit too forcefully.

I’m jealous!
Nate realized. Another guy had been Maddie’s partner. Another guy had watched her dream grow, and he’d probably steered her in the right direction. Which would make her grateful to him. It was as if Nate could see his own future, and Maddie wasn’t in it.

Nate’s return to Indian Lake had everything to do with his career and his plan to return to Arizona.

Nate was aware that moving from state to state was how he could best dedicate his life to others. But what would that mean for him and Maddie? Where would that leave Maddie and her dreams? She had to supervise her franchises. Plus, she still had the café here in Indian Lake. She’d told him that her goal was to live in Chicago.

Yet he realized now that he wanted Maddie in his life—always. Suddenly, he felt oddly possessive. He clasped both his hands around hers.

She shook her head. “No, Uncle George hasn’t met Alex yet. But he will. Nate? Are you okay? You’re holding my hands awfully tight.” She shrugged out of his grip.

“Sorry.” He rubbed her upper arms. “I just got caught up in your story. It’s pretty exciting.”

“It is,” she went on. “I mean, I always dreamed of doing something big with my life—I suppose everybody does. I just thought you had to do that kind of thing when you were young. You know, like you did, Nate.”

“Me?”

“You knew what you wanted, and you left town and took charge of your life. You made things happen for yourself. Well, now it’s my turn. I’m going to make things happen for myself, too. This is my dream-come-true time.”

“And this is what you want, Maddie?” he asked, peering deeply into her eyes.

“Yes. It is. If I can make the franchise a success, I’ll have the money to do all the other things I’ve dreamed about.”

“And what dreams are those?”

“Buy a house. My own house. Later, a condo in the city. Work fewer hours instead of the fourteen to sixteen I work each day with no break till Sunday. I’d like to take culinary classes. I want to go to Italy for a month or longer. Maybe go to culinary school there. I could spend years studying under some of the best pastry chefs in the country. I could study anything I wanted.”

“Sounds like you’ve thought about your dream quite a bit, haven’t you?” He lowered the arm he had around her. “I know what that’s like, to want something so badly you’d give up anything, everything, to make it happen.”

They sat in silence as they gazed out at the lake. The sun was hovering just above the horizon. There were huge purple clouds in the west, an indicator of the rainstorm they were supposed to get that night. Crimson rays fanned across the western expanse of sky and fused with fiery orange, golden and lavender fingers of light. The sunset was magnificent and spellbinding.

Neither of them said a word but kept their own counsel and their own thoughts as they watched the sun drift below the horizon.

“You deserve this time,” Nate said, not taking his eyes off the sky. “It’s important for you to know how high in the stars your arrows will fly.”

She watched his profile and saw the committed set to his jaw.
Military set,
she thought.
This was the kind of focus and concentration he must have had when he joined the navy.
He looked so sure of himself and so confident, he reminded her of the kind of man people elected as a statesman. And it was her bet that Nate would be the best at whatever he set his mind to be. He had the education.

She stopped herself. She was doing it again. She was berating herself for not having a college degree. If she sold enough of her franchises, she could go to college. There was no law that said a person had to be straight out of high school to attend college classes. So, she was a little slow at the starting gate. The point was that she was there now. And she sure felt like a thoroughbred wanting to break out for a run.

Maddie inhaled deeply as her revelation took hold deep within her heart. She kissed his cheek excitedly, and he turned his face toward hers.

“What?”

She smiled happily and kissed him very soundly on the mouth. “Thank you, Nate. Thank you for everything.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes, you did. You just helped me make my decision.”

He swallowed hard. He could tell from her delight, the energy and adrenaline that seemed to radiate from her skin, that Maddie had indeed figured it all out. And he knew that when she’d spun these wondrous things she saw herself accomplishing, she hadn’t included him. He’d disappeared from her life.

“I’m glad for you, Maddie,” he said, lowering his head.

“Hey, you don’t look happy.” She tilted his face back to hers with her fingers. “You look sad.”

His blue eyes bore into hers. This time the adrenaline he felt was his own. He knew he was capable of picking her up and carrying her off to the South Seas, if he thought it would do him any good. “This is going to be a very exciting trip for you. I can see that. Things are going to change like lightning for you.”

“They already are,” she said.

“Then I’d like to ask a favor.”

“Sure.”

“I’d like to be a part of all of it with you. I’d like to be on that speed dial of yours when something really great happens for you. I want to be the first person you think about in the morning and the last person you talk to at night. I’d like to be your friend again. Really.”

“Is that all?” she probed.

“Oh, God. No.” He gathered her in his arms and held her close. He gazed into her sparking green eyes until he swore he could see her soul. “Maddie. My Maddie. Don’t you get it?”

“Get what?”

“Deep down, I really came back to Indian Lake for you.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

M
ADDIE
SAT
IN
bed propped against two pillows, arms folded across her chest, and stared at the wall. She’d been staring at the same wall for three hours and fourteen minutes. There were voice mails on her cell phone from Alex when she’d gotten home from the cove. Nate had left another voice mail at ten-twenty. She hadn’t returned that call, either.

Her mind was a jumble of thrilling flashes of riding in a chauffeured car with Alex, sitting in the Drake bar and being kissed by the one man on the planet who held the key to her innermost dreams. It was so easy to imagine a life with Alex. A life in the city. The same city where her cafés would be taking off.

She imagined watching the construction. Being with Alex as the project came to fruition. Going to the theater with him. Eating in glittering restaurants and meeting all the interesting entrepreneurs he must surely know and hang out with. She remembered him showing her his apartment building and talking about his parents. She wondered what his place looked like. Was it all steel and chrome or leather and old books? What would it be like to visit his parents in Naples, Florida? She’d never been to Florida. She’d never been anywhere, and she craved travel.

Alex traveled everywhere, it seemed. London. Paris. Dubai. If she pursued a romance with Alex, there was a good chance he would take her along with him. Was he the kind of man who wanted a companion with him on his travels? Or did he consider the company a burden?

Was he a nervous traveler who double-checked every item in his bags or was he a procrastinator who forgot his passport in his rush to the airport?

She and Nate had often gone to Chicago on the weekends when they were in high school. They never argued about the traffic or the cost of parking or what to do when they were playing tourist. They’d chugged down the Chicago River in a sight-seeing boat and walked every inch of North Michigan Avenue window shopping. Nate’s arm was always around her waist as they talked about the play they’d just seen or a Cub’s game they’d missed.

They had been so easy with each other. Always courteous and caring. Always tender and attentive.

When she thought about life with Nate, that’s what she imagined for them. Except for the fact that his future involved a great deal of moving. And none of it would be near a city. If she went with him, she would have to give up her franchise dreams. She would have to leave her Indian Lake friends, and who knew how long it would be until she could return to see them? What if she only saw them on holidays?

Then there was the disquieting question that had lurked in the back of Maddie’s mind since the night Alex kissed her. What if she turned him down, romantically? Would he dump her and her franchises? Would he refuse to represent her if she decided she didn’t want a relationship with him?

The truth was that Maddie didn’t know Alex all that well. She didn’t understand his motivations. She sensed he was sincere in his feelings for her, but he was a salesman, after all. He sold people, especially investors, on his clients. Alex’s charms had to be well-practiced, otherwise he wouldn’t be as successful as he was.

Just thinking about the cost of her involvement with Alex made her nervous. Maybe she should consider Alex off limits.

But if she acted too quickly, she would squelch her own deal.

And that was definitely not the right move for her to make. Maddie shot to her feet and arched her back. “Ugh! This is driving me crazy.”

She went to the window and pulled open the navy blue cotton drapes she’d bought at a garage sale for two dollars. She looked out onto Lily Avenue, where only the streetlights burned this late at night. There were no cars, no people about. No one coming home from an after-theater party or midnight supper after the ballet. It was two o’clock, and in a small town the only activity the night would see was the shift changes at the factories around three in the morning. The blossoming trees blocked what little view she sometimes had in the winter of the lighted clock tower on the courthouse, which was still one of her favorite sights. But even that reminded her of Nate.

Many were the nights during the past eleven years when she’d gazed at the clock tower, wondering if, when she woke up, Nate would have come home. Would he try to see her? Would he even remember her?

For years, she’d thought of no one else. There had been no one else. The tiny labyrinths in her ears still echoed with the sound of his voice. “You’re my girl, Maddie.” And she had believed him.

Nate
. She whisked her arm down, closing the drapes.
Why did you have to come back here and complicate things?

Maddie flopped back on the bed, focusing on the ceiling and the cracked light fixture.
I was almost over you
.

Almost.

Every aspect of Maddie’s well-planned career track was moving in the right direction. She had the best contractual attorney, George Regeski, an enthusiastic investor and Alex. Even if she chose love, she could choose Alex. He was definitely interested. She could have it all.

Oddly, she didn’t want love with Alex. At least she hadn’t thought so when he’d first expressed his romantic interest. She’d only been interested in her deal.

Then he’d kissed her. And something had changed.

Maddie had harbored a fear of relationships since the day Nate left. Understandable. Even expected. No one would fault her for that one.

But something in Alex’s kiss had opened her mind to the possibility....

Illumination struck her and she jumped.

I didn’t kiss Alex first. I kissed Nate in the café that morning. Alex’s kiss was days later.

Now she was more confused than ever. She groaned, shoving her fingers into her short hair.

This was not the time for consternation over men and romance. She’d told Nate this was
her
time. It was her chance to shine. She’d worked too hard and too long not to experience it. With her emotions running wild over Nate and Alex, she couldn’t think about business longer than a few minutes.

“Nate. Alex. I should just flip a coin and be done with it.”

Exasperated with herself, Maddie then remembered the day she’d seen Nate at Bride’s Corner. His appearance in town had felt like a ghost or someone rising from the dead. And tonight he’d claimed that he wanted her. He wasn’t an apparition. He was real.

Maddie, this is not the time to fall crazy mad in love with Nate Barzonni again. He’s like opium to you
.

She sat bolt upright and her eyes flew open.
That’s it! I’m not in love with Nate at all. I’m just addicted to the memory of him.
All those years, she’d used his rejection to gain sympathy. That was wrong and very immature.
Not a good move, Maddie
.

Still, their breakup had motivated her to get on with her life.

Maddie crawled under the covers and pulled the comforter up to her chin.
I can’t fall for Nate. I shouldn’t fall for Nate. I haven’t even found out who
I
am yet
.