Heart's Desire (18 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

A
LEX
P
ERKINS
DROVE
through the i-Zoom lane on the Chicago Skyway in his two-year-old Lexus convertible listening to Rachmaninoff’s Prelude Opus 32, No. 2 in B-flat Minor. His mind was not on the music. His mind was on Maddie Strong.

Alex had closed his casino-and-theme-park deal with the investors from Dubai and put together another merger involving a London bank and a new film division of a major studio in Los Angeles. He was feeling mighty fine. According to his calculations, he should be offered a partnership in his firm before the end of the year. The accumulation of overtime hours, his family connections and networking with university roommates and friends from his postgrad at NYU were finally paying off. Over the past three years, he’d brought more money into the firm than the two owners put together. His bosses had patted his back so much lately that his shoulders were sore. He felt invincible.

Alex, however, was smarter than those of the previous generation. He squirreled away his assets and kept his spending, except for business purposes, on the lean side. His condo and car had been paid for in cash. His only extravagance had been the flowers he sent to Maddie.

“Maddie...” He sang her name along with his favorite strain of the music.

If things went exceptionally well, he might actually be able to take a four-day vacation in the middle of the blasted winter. It would be his first vacation in six years.

His goal was to have Maddie at his side on that trip. He was thinking Cap Juluca in Anguilla. St. Bart’s would be nice, but not as remote. The blindingly white sands and turquoise water in Anguilla were definitely the best for long sunset walks. Unless, of course, he considered Marbella. That was an option.

As always, Alex felt the best decision was to keep his options open.

Zooming down I-94, Alex took the turnoff to the Indiana toll road, which took him straight to Indian Lake.

Driving past the lake, Alex called Maddie’s cell.

“Hey. I’m almost here,” he said. “So give me directions.”

* * *

I
T
WAS
NEARLY
four o’clock, and the café was closed for business. Maddie wore a white linen sheath dress, espadrilles, aquamarine earrings and a matching bracelet that she’d borrowed from Mrs. Beabots.

Maddie walked out of the office and glanced apprehensively at Chloe, who had just finished cleaning the sinks and was folding her apron and towel.

“You look good, okay?” Chloe said. “He’ll drop. Promise.” She giggled and raced out the door.

Chloe had just disappeared around the corner when Alex drove up. He got out of the car, straightened, buttoned his pearl-gray suit coat and waved as Maddie unlocked the door.

Spreading his arms wide, he appraised the building from the curb. “So, this is it? This is the inspiration?”

She nodded proudly. “This is it. I’m just starting my renovations to evolve it into the Italian café I’ve always envisioned, but this is the seed of the dream I planted.”

He breezed up to her and kissed her cheek. “It’s marvelous. Smaller than I’d imagined. But that’s a good thing.”

“Good?”

“For the PR campaign,” he said. “Can I come in?”

“Sure. Sorry,” she said, stepping aside.

Alex placed his hands on his hips and assessed the interior. “When does the painting start?”

“Tomorrow. Chairs arrive next week. And I just put the awnings up outside.”

“I saw.” He continued to scrutinize the space, then turned to her with a grin. “So, you got the new flowers.”

“Alex.” She shook her head slowly. “I asked you to stop sending them. And I told you I give them to my friends. Their houses are filled with flowers.”

“So donate them to the local nursing home,” he said, moving closer and putting his hands on her waist. “I don’t care.” He kissed her cheek again. “Boy, you smell great. Chanel, right?”

“Yes. I love it.”

“Me, too. On you, of course.”

“Would you like a cappuccino? A sandwich?” she asked.

“I was thinking of champagne and escargots,” he replied. “Where can we rustle some up?”

She laughed. “In Indian Lake? Not hardly.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Then I’ll drive us back to Chicago. I know this place off Rush Street—”

“Alex,” she interrupted, feeling a tingle of nervousness. “Why exactly are you here?”

“It thought it was obvious. I wanted to see you. Since you’re always too busy to come see me... Well, ta da.” He extended his arms again, like an opera singer ready to release the last high note of an aria.

“Hey,” she cut him off, jabbing an accusatory finger at him. “You’re the one who goes to Dubai and London and Hollywood. You haven’t been in the office for three straight days since we met with James.”

“Guilty as charged,” he said. “But I thought about you all the time I was gone.”

“Did you?” she asked, keenly aware of the twinkle in his eyes and the soft smile on his lips. “All good, I hope.”

“I thought that what I have to say to you should be said in person. Because, Maddie, you’re right. I
have
been away a great deal. We’ve talked on the phone. We’ve emailed and texted. We even used FaceTime when I was in London. Remember that?”

“You looked so funny.”

“I was trying to be funny. It was a funny day.” He chuckled. “Anyway, I believe we’ve come to know each other fairly well over the past months, wouldn’t you say?”

“I would say that,” she replied, wondering how well they actually could get to know each other over the phone and via email. Was the true self revealed more in writing than in speaking, as some psychologists believed? She knew that oftentimes, what people said wasn’t what they meant. There was no end to the miscommunication that could arise once two people opened their mouths. It amazed her that anyone ever bonded with another person at all.

“And we get along pretty well,” Alex continued. “Not to mention that I think I have a solid understanding of what you want out of your career. I believe I’ve managed to pair you with the best investor for your needs.”

“You’ve done a wonderful job, Alex.”

He took her hands in his. Although Alex impressed her as a man who was always in control, she noticed that his hands trembled slightly as he reached for her. He was nervous, and that surprised her.

“Maddie, I have a confession to make.”

“My investor wants out, doesn’t he?” Maddie said, her imagination running wild. Her mouth went dry and she felt suddenly weak, as if her body had been sapped of energy. She was a puppet to her own goals and she realized, quite sadly, that she’d put too much value on achieving them. Her business wasn’t who she was. It was an outlet for her creativity, but it wasn’t her essence. She hadn’t known, until right now, that she was more than her café. If James backed out, she still had her café, some of the best friends anyone could wish for, and a very full life in Indian Lake. She was healthy and young. She wasn’t a quitter. She had proven to herself that she was persistent, determined and smart. It took courage to stand up to rejection. She wondered if Alex knew these things about her.

“No, nothing like that,” Alex assured her. “James is on board. All the way. I was just going to say that when I told you that my partners were behind your idea and concept, that wasn’t
exactly
true.”

“It wasn’t?”

“Actually, they thought I was nuts. They said it couldn’t be done and that there wasn’t anything extraordinary or special about some cupcakes. I fed them the same Becky Fields line I gave you. I believed in you, Maddie. And after we started working together, I was determined to make your dream a reality. I wanted to be your knight in shining armor. I wanted to give you what no other man had given you.”

Maddie felt her throat tighten. Another close call. She had come close to losing it all and she hadn’t even known it. Alex was her hero even more than she’d known.

She owed him a great deal.

“Alex, I don’t know what to say—just that I’m so grateful.”

He lifted her chin with his fingertips. “Maddie, I don’t just want gratitude. I want you.” He kissed her sweetly and lightly. “Maddie, I want to know if you would consider moving to Chicago.”

“You know I’ve dreamed about living there someday, Alex. I told you that.”

“I meant with me, Maddie. With me.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

M
ADDIE
SAT
ON
a Victorian chair in Mrs. Beabot’s front parlor. She kicked off her espadrilles and accepted a small glass of sherry from her friend.

“So, you’re still trying to figure out who the new Maddie is? And who the old one used to be?”

“I am, and it’s so hard.”

“I’ve always found that if I give things enough time, they generally work themselves out.”

Maddie let out a sigh of frustration. “I was afraid you’d say that. The thing is, I feel like I’ve given it time. Eleven years. This is when things are supposed to work out.”

“Many people believe that young love doesn’t count. That it’s some kind of throwaway phase that we learn from, or that shapes our opinions of ourselves. But I’ve never seen it that way. I think it’s the time when the heart is free and unfettered. I met Raymond when I was very young. Even younger than you and Nate were. I knew he was the one for me. It took several years for us to work out the details—I had college and he wanted to be an entrepreneur.”

“Really?” Mrs. Beabots rarely spoke about her husband or their past together.

“That story is for another day,” Mrs. Beabots said. “The point is, there’s nothing wrong with exploring yourself and your feelings for Alex.”

“Yes.”

“But I will say, that from what I saw between you and Nate the other day at Sarah’s, I think you have your answer.”

Maddie wiped her face with her hands and clamped them on her knees. “That’s the thing. Nate came back to town to boost his career. Then he realized he might still have feelings for me. I told him I wanted to find out who I am, now that I have some success. When he left, I felt so alone and guilty because I’d hurt my friend. I felt like my heart was breaking when he walked away, even though I also knew I needed time to understand myself better. Nate was my best friend when we were young, and in some ways it still feels like that when I’m with him. But he hasn’t told me that he loves me. Maybe he’s not sure how he feels. To make the situation even worse, tonight, Alex asked me to move to Chicago to be with him. That was exhilarating, like I’d won the top prize. If I chose Alex, I would realize nearly every aspect of the dream I’ve had since Nate left town. I feel respected and special when I’m with Alex, but I’m not sure if he loves me, either. On top of all that, I found out that Sophie Mattuchi is after Nate.”

“Sophie? Your friend?”

“Yes.”

Mrs. Beabots shook her head. The frown on her forehead was deep with concern. “That is a new development. And I don’t like it.”

“She works with Nate every day. He has great respect for her, since she’s his surgical nurse and all.”

Wagging her finger, Mrs. Beabots said, “Don’t say things like that. He has respect for you as well. And Nate knows about Alex?”

“Yes, but not about what Alex said tonight.”

“I was wondering if you’ve seen any signs of jealousy on Nate’s part?”

“Yes, now that you mention it....”

“Hmm...” Mrs. Beabots tapped her cheek with her forefinger thoughtfully. “And you’ve displayed some jealousy of your own over Sophie’s interest in Nate.”

“I have?”

“Decidedly so.”

“I feel more scared than jealous.”

“That’s even better,” Mrs. Beabots replied. “What you’re really saying to me, Maddie, is that you love Nate but he won’t commit. Or hasn’t. In the meantime, you see Alex as a second option if Nate doesn’t pull through for you.”

“Am I really doing that? It doesn’t feel like I’m using anybody. It feels like I just can’t decide.”

“Alex is part of the dream you created for yourself when you were a little girl. Nate left you, so you started thinking of running away yourself. Running away to Oz, to a land of golden streets and beautiful people. And now Alex has shown that the world you conjured up in your head is a real place. People live like that every day. They work very hard and they have problems of their own, but they don’t live in Indian Lake. Their priorities truly are finding the best gelato and the best cappuccino in town. They do all the things you wanted to do all your life.”

“Like go to college,” Maddie interjected.

“That’s right. But you can do all those things on your own terms. You can take time off and go to school and study what you want. You take this franchise business by the tail if you want, and work it night and day until you become even wealthier. You can travel and meet all sorts of people. You can have this romance with Alex, or not. You can see where things lead with Nate and make a decision later.”

Maddie pressed her palms to her temples and cheeks. “See? This is what is driving me mad! I want it all!”

“No, you don’t.”

Maddie gaped at her friend. “I don’t?”

“I think you want almost all of it. And you’re young. You have enough years to do all these things. Just make sure you do them with someone you truly love and want to spend time with, someone who feels the same about you.”

“So, you think it’s Nate?” Maddie asked, her mouth dry.

Just then Maddie’s cell phone rang.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and answered the phone on the second ring. “Hi, Nate,” she said, and she smiled with enough energy to light fireworks.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

T
HE
DELIVERY
TRUCK
in front of Cupcakes and Coffee took up four parking spaces, including the room necessary for the long metal unloading ramp that the driver would need to haul out Maddie’s new chairs.

Maddie walked up to the beefy man dressed in baggy jeans and a faded plaid shirt. He carried a clipboard with a pen dangling from a shoelace. He took off a pair of cheap sunglasses before he spoke. “You Maddie Strong?”

“I am.”

He made a check mark on his clipboard, then showed her where to sign.

“Sorry about this bein’ after hours and all, but I had a delivery in Indianapolis that took a lot longer than I’d planned.”

“That’s fine. I didn’t think they’d be here for days, so this is a nice surprise.”

The man walked up to the cab and tossed his clipboard on the seat. “If you’ll just show me where...”

“Right through the front door,” she said. “Do you need help?”

“No, ma’am.” He pulled on a pair of work gloves. “I got my dolly. I’m all set.”

When the driver had finished unloading the chairs, Maddie said goodbye and went back inside. Minutes later, Nate’s Hummer pulled up. She went to the door and unlocked it. She watched him check his hair and she smiled to herself. She was amazed how much that tiny gesture meant to her. He wanted to look nice for her and that knowledge made her glow.

Maybe I’m more in love with Nate than I realized.

The evening sun was behind his back and outlined his physique as he stepped out of the car. He was wearing a pair of camel slacks and a black short-sleeved shirt that showed off his well-defined biceps. He paused when he caught sight of her, his expression serious.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing at all. You came outside to greet me,” he said, closing the distance between them in three eager steps. “That means a lot to me.” He kissed her nose.

“I was excited to see you,” she said, surprising herself with her answer. Her own smile warmed her, and she liked the way that felt.

“Thank God,” he breathed.

“Come on in. You may be sorry you volunteered to help me tonight.”

“Why’s that?” he asked.

“Because my new chairs came, and now I have to move the old ones down to the basement. Then we have to unwrap the new ones and get the place set up for business in the morning.”

“What about the cake batter? You said we were going to bake.” He forced a pout. “I was looking forward to licking the beaters. Or whatever it is you use. I’m only here for the batter and icing.”

“Oh, really,” she said, moving closer, peering into his blazing blue eyes. She put her hand on his chest, right next to his heart. “So, am I to understand that you just want the sugar?”

She leaned into him, her hand still on his hammering heart. He put his arms around her and pulled her closer. Cradling her, protecting her, loving her.

Maddie remembered their innocent sweetness and naive trust. She wanted to be that young girl again, trusting Nate. Trusting herself to love Nate fully and totally, the way she once had.

Gazing into his eyes, she searched for answers to questions that were still forming in her head. But as much as she wanted clarification and understanding, she was afraid of it. In some ways it was easiest to just leave everything as it was. But that wasn’t fair.

Not to her and not to Nate.

He kissed her, but she pulled back.

“What is it?” he asked. “Talk to me.”

Nodding, she said, “I guess that’s what we should be doing more of—talking. And not kissing.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he joked.

“In high school, that’s all we did. We kissed. But we didn’t talk enough.”

Nate released her and led her to one of the tables. “I remember it differently.”

“You do?”

“You were my best friend,” he said, holding her hands. “I could tell you everything. And I did. Don’t you remember that?”

“Yes, I guess so. I always felt like we were hiding in the shadows, kissing behind the gym doors or in the back of your car so no one would see us. But what I’ve really been afraid of lately is if any of it was real between you and me. I was afraid that maybe back then I was using you to negate all my insecurities. That maybe you weren’t a real person to me and that was all it was.”

Nate was silent.

Maddie saw true deep pain in his eyes. If she’d sliced him open with one of his scalpels, she couldn’t have cut any deeper. And her heart broke for him.

He shook his head slowly, his eyes glistening with the smallest prick of tears that he battled to discourage.

Suddenly, she had her answer.

“Nate,” she pleaded, touching his cheek. “I’m so sorry. So very sorry, but I had to say it.”

“Jeez. I’d rather have the punch in the gut,” he quipped morosely. Then his eyes bore into hers. Probing. Demanding answers. “You didn’t finish, did you? What about now?”

“I was wrong,” she admitted. “I do believe like you do that what we had was very real. I feel we are in a very good place right now. And very honestly, I feel we’ve talked more and shared more about who we are and what we want out of life since you’ve been back than we ever did.”

“But it’s not enough?” he asked readily.

“It’s not. We see each other in snippets. Our phone calls at night are short. And I know how tired you are. Your work is grueling. I’m tired by the end of the day, too, and then I have to bake cupcakes all night long. We just don’t have enough time together.”

Nate nodded his head and said, “I totally agree with you on all counts. Frankly, we have to make some changes.”

“What kind of changes?” she asked.

“First of all, you need to hire someone to do the baking at night. Together we can find someone trustworthy. I know we can.”

“Fine,” she said, noticing that Nate still seemed a bit anxious about something, rather than being relieved. He kept rubbing his thumb against her fingers and looking down at their hands. “What is it, Nate? Is there something wrong?”

He took a deep breath and raised his head. Twice since walking in the door he’d thought he should propose to Maddie. Twice he’d chickened out. He thought he should have bought a ring first. Then he’d thought better of it. What if Maddie wanted to choose her own setting? What if she wanted something very specific? It had to be the perfect ring for her. It couldn’t be just any ring, either. He should have gone to Chicago and hit up Tiffany or C.D. Peacock and gotten something last weekend, but he’d been on call and had that emergency surgery.

Then again, what if she turned him down?

She’d already told him that this was her turn in life to discover all kinds of things about herself that she’d never had the time or money to pursue. Things were different for her now. She had the satisfaction of a major accomplishment in the business world. It wouldn’t surprise him if she wound up on the cover of an investment magazine. She was a hive of new ideas that buzzed around her just waiting to pollinate. She was so full of life, it made him feel even more alive just to be near her.

Nate was all too aware that he could really blow it if he pushed her too fast when so much was changing for her.

When he first walked in the door, he’d scoped out the café for signs of the expensive flowers his competition was sending to Maddie, but there was nothing like what he’d overheard Sophie talking about. In fact, there were no flowers in the café at all.

Nate knew he had to win Maddie from Alex Perkins.

Nate wanted a huge family wedding. He wanted lots of family holidays, with his mother and Maddie chatting in the kitchen, along with his grandmother and aunts, while they made Thanksgiving turkey. And when the time came, he wanted both his parents to be happy when their children were born. He wanted to give Maddie the kind of real love and affection that his family was capable of providing. She’d never had a family and he wanted to give her that.

Nate knew he had to play every one of his cards the smart way and with extreme care. He had to take his time and not be impatient with her or himself. He didn’t mind the gamble. Maddie was worth risking his heart. But there was no way he was going to blow his chances with Maddie a second time.

No way.

“There’s nothing wrong, Maddie. Except that I think we should get these chairs set up for you. The sooner your work is done, the sooner you can go for a moonlight drive with me to the beach.”

“Ah, so you do have ulterior motives,” she joked.

He exhaled deeply and kissed her. “Where you’re concerned, I have all kinds of ulterior motives.”

“Okay, then. Let’s get to it.”

It didn’t take long for them to move the old chairs to the basement and stack them against the brick wall. Maddie got out a couple box cutters so they could cut away the shrink-wrap and brown paper covering the new chairs.

“I’m really excited about this,” Maddie said, slitting the plastic. “I should show you the drawings, Nate. Sarah and Charmaine made them. They’re incredible. Just gorgeous interiors. My franchises will all have Italian decor.”

“Italian,” he repeated. He straightened and balled a roll of shrink-wrap in his hands. “My mother would love it.” Nate conjured more visions of what marriage to Maddie could be like and the notion fit quite well with him. He liked the way she was lit like fire when she talked about her café and the changes she wanted to make. He was impressed and proud of her. It took a lot of persistence and determination to come as far as she had. She was a great deal like him in that regard. They were a perfect match in so many ways. His problem was going to be trying to keep up with her. He wished he could promise her the moon, but the reality was that he was offering a life on or near an Indian reservation—maybe several. Maddie dreamed of moving to Chicago. She would have to give up an awful lot just to be with him.

Nate’s nerve dwindled like a lost helium balloon in the sky.

“The Italian theme is one of the requisites. I’ve been a stickler about it. But yeah, I spent months working with Sarah and Charmaine on the colors and the theme. The logo. Everything is geared to the cappuccino theme. All the cafés have to have a brass-and-copper cappuccino machine similar to mine.” She stripped away the last of the paper from one of the chairs. “Don’t you love it?” she asked.

“Don’t you love the yellow-and-white stripes?” Maddie asked, sitting on her new chair and beaming happily up at Nate.

Nate stared at Maddie. The chair was covered in upholstery that was a dead ringer for the fabric his mother had just chosen for her new chaise longues around their pool.

He thought about his mother inviting Sophie Mattuchi to Mother’s Day at their house. Nate had realized his mother was trying to play matchmaker, but because he wasn’t sure about his future with Maddie, he hadn’t said a word to his mother about his intentions. After dinner, however, he’d made it clear to Gina that he wasn’t romantically interested in Sophie.

“Do you like it?” Maddie asked again.

“Love it,” he said with a wistful whisper, moving closer to her. Nate didn’t believe in divine signs, but there was no other explanation for this coincidence. He felt the urge to take action.

Be bold. Be bolder.

Carpe diem.

Suddenly, all his fears vanished. His path opened up to him, and at the end of it was Maddie.

“Nate,” Maddie said. “Are you all right?”

He dropped to his knee, took her hands in his and kissed her palms. He gazed up into her eyes and felt the love in his heart explode throughout him. “I know I’ve asked you this before, but Maddie, will you marry me?”

Maddie was speechless. She wasn’t any more prepared for this proposal than she had been for the first one. How had they gotten here so fast? Or maybe this was eleven years overdue. She felt an overpowering eruption of emotion.

“Marry me, Maddie,” he said pleadingly, but his tone was firm, as if there was no other alternative.

Slowly, his words broke through. It was as if she’d been walking through a storm and suddenly the clouds parted and sunbeams shot through, illuminating everything around and inside her. “Right now? Tonight? I mean, are you asking me to elope again?”

He chuckled and kissed her hands again, then squeezed them. “No, my darling. I want everything to be perfect for us. I guess this isn’t the perfect proposal. I had a dozen different ways I was going to ask you, and this wasn’t one of them. I don’t have a ring for you. I wanted to get you one, but then I thought maybe you could pick out the ring yourself.”

Maddie smiled, then she started crying and she couldn’t stop. “Oh, Nate. I would love any ring you chose.”

“Okay. So we’ll get one tomorrow. Or tonight. Can you buy that kind of thing online?”

“I don’t know.” She laughed. “Probably.”

He leaned up and kissed her with a passion so sweet, so endearing, Maddie knew she wanted to remember this moment all her life. Then she broke away.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Oh, my God. Did I even answer you?”

He shook his head.

“Yes,” she said, laughing again. She kissed him and he kissed her back.

“I promise you, Maddie, that whatever you want to do in your life, I want you to do it. Whether you want to go to school and study or run the café or build more franchises, I don’t want to stand in the way of any of your explorations. I want to be there for the ride. I’ve missed so much of what we could have done together all these years, I don’t want to miss another nanosecond.”

“Are you sure, Nate? Because I’m beginning to realize that I want to do a lot with my life. More than I’d ever thought I wanted to do.”

He threw his head back and laughed. “This is just what I love about you! Don’t you see? You’re never satisfied. You’re always looking for ways to make things better.”

“I do that, it’s true,” she said, peering at him for a long moment. “You know, when we were in high school, we always dreamed of living on the shores of Indian Lake. You said the serenity of the water helped you think. And I’ve been wanting a condo in Chicago all these years. But now, your dream has changed, too. You want to work in Arizona.”