Heart's Desire (20 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

T
HE
AIR
-
CONDITIONING
was cranked up to just below freezing in the surgical wing as Nate finished up a particularly difficult ablation. When he exited the OR, Carla, the office receptionist, was standing near the door waiting for him with a note in her hand. “Dr. Caldwell needs to see you. Now,” she said with a fluster in her voice and a breathy sigh that signaled trouble.

“Tell him I’ll be on my way after I talk to the family,” Nate instructed.

After speaking with the patient’s wife, Nate headed to the office area and rapped on Roger Caldwell’s door before opening it. “You wanted to see me?”

Roger spun around in his chair and hung up his phone. “Sit down. There’s been a development.”

Nate sat in the chair opposite Roger’s desk. “I don’t like the sound of that. Are we being sued?”

Roger reached into a folder and pulled out a piece of paper. It was an airline boarding pass. “I’m doing your surgeries for you tomorrow,” he said, handing the page to Nate.

“This says Phoenix.” He looked up at his boss. “What’s going on?”

“Last month, I sent a glowing letter about your accomplishments to the board at Northwestern and to your mentor, Dr. Klein. I told them how quickly you’d come along and that your skills were nearly surpassing mine.”

Nate’s eyes widened. “That’s very kind....”

“It’s the truth,” Roger continued. “But listen, the head of cardiac surgery at the reservation in Arizona, Charles Jessel, just quit. Lung cancer. He and his wife are going to retire if he makes it through this. This is a request that you return to Arizona.”

“Poor Charles,” Nate said. “I liked him. When do they need me?”

“Tomorrow. They don’t have anyone else who’s proficient with cold beam laser.”

“That soon?”

Roger bit his lower lip pensively. “The job is yours. Permanently.”

Roger stuck out his hand as Nate rose. “I knew you were too good, too skilled to stay around here for long. I just didn’t think it would come this fast.”

Nate felt a flush of victory surge through his veins. He was on fire as the realization hit him full force. He was going to be top heart surgeon at the reservation. He was being given a shot at making a real difference in so many people’s lives. This was everything he’d sacrificed for and dreamed of. All those years in the navy. Med school. Internship. Residency. Now Indian Lake. Nate was as ready as he’d ever be. His only dilemma was how he’d break the news to Maddie.

When Nate proposed, they’d spoken briefly about where they’d live, how they’d accommodate each other’s dreams. But it had been such a joyous moment that they hadn’t wanted—hadn’t needed—to hash out any of the details. Nate still had nine months left on his contract, and they’d thought they had plenty of time to plan for the future.

Now, they’d be apart until the wedding, which was certainly not what Nate had in mind when he’d asked Maddie to marry him.

He’d day-dreamed about moonlit summer nights on the beach at Indian Lake and barbeques at his parents’ house. Maddie was going to want a very special wedding. But if he took this job, which he intended to, he wouldn’t be around for much of the planning at all.

He wondered how Maddie was going to take this news.

“That must have been an incredible letter you sent to the Northwestern board. Thanks to you, I have this opportunity.” Nate shook the boarding pass.

“Do me proud, Nate,” Roger replied.

* * *

M
ADDIE
STOOD
WITH
Nate in front of the chalkboard of choices at The Louise House later that night.

“I’ll have Jamaica fudge,” Maddie said. “In a cup.”

“Two scoops of coconut almond for me,” Nate told Louise.

“Comin’ right up,” Louise replied, shoving the scoop into a barrel of ice cream.

Nate led Maddie to a tiny round table near the window. A family of four walked in, chatting amongst themselves, as Maddie sat in the chair.

“So, how was Chicago?” Nate asked. Before she could answer, he grabbed her hand and kissed it. “Gosh, you look beautiful.”

“Thanks,” she replied. “Don’t worry, Nate. Chicago, at least that part of it, is ancient history.”

“I wasn’t worried,” he said. “Much.”

Maddie placed her hand gently on his cheek, letting her eyes delve into his. “You have to know there never has been or will be anyone else for me.”

Just then, Louise walked up and held out their ice cream.

Beaming and taking the heaping cup of ice cream from Louise she said, “Except for Jamaica fudge, that is.”

“Enjoy,” Louise said, then went back to her other customers.

“Well, I need to keep hearing that, especially after what I’m about to tell you, Maddie,” Nate said, biting off a hunk of ice cream.

“What’s that?”

“Roger called me into his office today to tell me that I’ve just landed a new job.”

Maddie put down her spoon. “Job?”

“It’s in Arizona. At the reservation clinic where I worked last year.” Her eyes widened and she smiled brightly. “That’s fantastic for you! It’s what you wanted. Isn’t it?”

“Actually, I’ll be chief of cardiac surgery. Head of the whole shebang.”

“Oh, Nate! Your dream. I couldn’t be more excited for you.” Then she noticed he wasn’t smiling. Something was wrong. He wasn’t happy. “But this is a promotion for you, isn’t it?”

“Yes. The current head, Charles Jessel, had to quit—health reasons—and they need a replacement immediately. Tomorrow, in fact.”

“Tomorrow?” Maddie felt her stomach roil. “That...is soon.” She looked around the ice cream shop blankly, desperately trying to keep from welling up. The attempt was futile.

“I’m sorry, Maddie,” Nate said. “I’m so sorry.”

“You have to go,” she said matter-of-factly.

“I’ll fly back for Sarah’s wedding in two weeks, and then after that, we’ll take turns. I can fly back here or you can fly out there. We can make our wedding plans over the phone can’t we?”

“Sure. I guess.”

“Of course,” he mused, chuckling and kissing her hand again. “You could run away with me to Vegas and then there would be no problem at all.”

“Except for my café.”

“Except for that,” he replied regretfully.

She lifted her head. “I’ll figure that out. Right now, you have to be so proud. This job is wonderful. I want you to have this, Nate. You deserve this. You’ve worked for this all these years. I’ve talked to Uncle George about how I could open a travelling café out in Arizona. I could make my cupcakes and sell them out of the back of an SUV. I could—”

Nate’s eyes welled. “Maddie, girl. You love me that much? So much that you would drive your little cakes around to where I’m working?”

“Yes, Nate.” Then she looked away with an unexpected burst of tears.

“Maddie, what is it?”

“You know, Nate, I’m trying to be strong and creative and figure this out, but frankly, I’m not really sure where I’ll fit into your life and your plans.” She rubbed her temples. “I do love you, Nate. I love you like I never thought I could love anybody ever again, but I feel angry and cheated because no matter what idea I come up with, it’s not enough to satisfy me and my needs,” she said, jabbing her chest with her forefinger. “I just stepped onto the biggest stage of my life and now I feel like it’s being yanked out from under me. I feel lost and really scared.”

Nate’s expression was filled with compassion. “I know. I understand. There just hasn’t been time. I have to go so soon. It’s nearly like I’m being shipped off to war.”

Her eyes locked on his. “That’s exactly what it’s like.”

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I can do better by you than this. I’ll think of something. I promise. Just don’t stop loving me, Maddie.”

“I promise, Nate.”

* * *

M
ADDIE
STOOD
NEXT
to Nate at the bus stop where he would catch a coach to O’Hare Airport. Though dawn was just breaking over the horizon, a summer wind blew hot, strong and humid from the south. Maddie wore apricot capris, espadrilles and a white short-sleeved blouse.

“Thanks for the ride, Maddie,” Nate said, smoothing a lock of hair behind her ear. “You could have slept in.”

She shrugged. “You know I’m up before dawn every day. Chloe can handle things till I get back. Besides, this gives us a chance to talk some more.”

“Uh-huh,” he mumbled, kissing her cheek. “I’ll call you when I land. It’s about a two and a half hour drive to the reservation from Phoenix. Someone is supposed to meet me at the airport and drive me there. I’ll call you again when I’m settled.”

“You said it’s pretty there.”

“Red rock, cactus, brilliant blue sky that almost stings your eyes to look at. I can’t wait to show you around. I’ll get my surgery schedule as soon as I get there, so I’ll let you know when will be good for you to come visit. I’ll miss you,” he said kissing her.

“Miss you already,” she replied kissing him back.

In the distance they heard air brakes screech and gears being downshifted as the whale of a bus lumbered around the corner and up to the stop.

Three people got out of their cars and wheeled their rolling luggage up to the bus.

Nate turned to Maddie. “You take care of yourself.”

“I love you, Nate. Have a safe trip.”

He stepped aside as the other passengers climbed aboard. Nate hung on to the handle. “I’ll see you, Maddie. Love you,” he said, and took the steps two at a time onto the bus. His shoulders seemed to fill the narrow entry and she was struck with his enthusiasm. He was that adventurous Nate of their youth again, the Nate who would disappear for more than a decade, risking his love for her, his family, everything—in pursuit of his passion for medicine. It was that reckless, hard-driven side of Nate that terrified her, and yet she understood it profoundly.

I’m his mirror. It just took me longer to get there.

The driver immediately followed Nate onto the bus, shut the doors and pulled away from the curb.

Maddie stood waving as the bus disappeared. A tear ran down her cheek and she wiped it away. Looking down at the tear, she wondered how many times she would be saying goodbye to Nate as he moved from reservation to reservation. Searching for the next life to save.

* * *

A
TRIPLE
-
SHOT
espresso didn’t have the caffeine to equal the nervous high Maddie rode all day waiting for Nate’s call.

She knew that he was supposed to land at ten thirty, but he hadn’t called or texted. If it took another two and a half hours to drive to the reservation, plus a lunch stop, he should have called her by one o’clock. Still there was nothing.

All afternoon, she paced the café and busied herself cleaning the already sparkling equipment. She baked cupcakes she didn’t need and frothed icing she wasn’t sure she would sell that day.

By four o’clock, Nate still had not called.

At five, when she shut the café and said good-night to Chloe, she texted Nate, her fears flapping like bats inside her belly. Nate didn’t text her back.

By six o’clock, she was too riddled with anxiety to be alone any longer. She called Sarah and asked if she could come over and work on wedding-table decorations alongside her and Mrs. Beabots. Sarah, of course, was happy to have the help.

By ten o’clock, Maddie and Sarah had finished arranging sparklers, silk white roses and ribbons in aqua-colored clay pots. They’d made over two hundred aqua bows to hang in the trees at Cove Beach, and they’d filled mason jars with sand and votive candles, which Sarah’s friends would also help hang in the trees.

Mrs. Beabots put her scissors in her white wicker sewing basket and bid them good-night.

Sarah turned to Maddie. “Would you like a glass of wine? After all this work, you deserve one.”

“Sure,” she replied, looking at her cell phone.

“Why don’t you call him?” Sarah offered as they entered the kitchen. Sarah let Beau into the yard.

“I did. And I left a voice mail. He was supposed to call me when he got to the reservation. I don’t know what could have happened.”

Sarah took out two wineglasses and put them on the island. “I can tell you what didn’t happen. He wasn’t in an accident. No plane or car crash. You would have had a phone call from some state trooper or a hospital by now.”

“I wasn’t thinking that,” Maddie said, the dull edge in her tone wavering between conviction and disbelief. “The truth is that Nate has just been handed his long-held dream. And he’s not thinking about me.”

At all.

“He’s probably just busy, is all.” Sarah handed Maddie the wine. “Would you like to sit on the porch? I put in the bug lightbulbs, so it should be nice.”

“Yeah.”

They walked out the front door and sat in two Adirondack chairs. Maddie noticed Sarah’s eyes flit to the third floor of Mrs. Beabots’s house where Luke and the kids lived. In a few short weeks, they would all be living here in this house, Sarah’s family home.

Family home
.

Maddie couldn’t help wondering what that was like. Nate had a family home with his parents. He’d been living there these past few months. He’d told Maddie that he’d considered a few places, but that he wanted a house on the lake itself. Nearly impossible to find. Cate Sullivan had told Nate he’d have to wait till someone died, and even then, the house would likely be gone in seconds. Nate was undaunted. He knew the right house would come along.

But now they wouldn’t need a quiet retreat by the lake. They’d be living far away among red rocks. What was that like? Would she hate it? Or love it?

And just how exactly was she going to make her own dreams work if she was in Arizona? Or Alaska for that matter? The life of a doctor’s wife was a lonely one. She’d heard that a million times, and the saying didn’t even account for the frequent moves and isolated conditions life with Nate would entail. So it was imperative she had her own career and her own interests.

Most importantly, if Nate wasn’t calling her now, when they’d just gotten engaged, when he should be thinking about her non-stop, what was it going to be like when they’d been married for five years? Fifteen? Would he ever have enough room for her in his thoughts?