This Christmas (12 page)

“I’d like to give that mother a piece of my mind.”

“She’s very involved in the mothers’ group at school. You might see her at that dance.”

Jake nodded, hoping he’d get to tell Amanda Lake exactly what he thought. The soft thumps behind him made Jake look up. Coming toward him was Bree. She was wearing a big chunky sweater, a scarf, and was carrying a skate bag. Her dark hair was pushed back off her face with a headband and his heart tripped just like it always did when he looked at her. She was more beautiful now than she was when they were first together—inside and out. While Jake loved the person she was, he was in awe of who she’d become.

He drew a breath as she grabbed her jacket off the hook on the wall, not letting her father’s presence affect her in any way.

“So, are we going to do this? I had wine with my dinner to keep me from chickening out.”

He put his head down and chuckled before looking up again and locking eyes with her. “That’s great. Do you think wine will keep your feet under you?”

She walked right up to him and lightly poked him in the chest. Her eyes were bright and her lips were pink and kissable. “No, that’s your job. You should say thank you to the lovely Chardonnay that kept me from running off to the city to see Cass.”

“Fair enough. Let’s get going. I reserved the rink starting in an hour.”

“Awesome.”

T
he house smelled like Christmas. Nona was baking special Christmas cookies and the smell of warm vanilla and cinnamon was making Charlie hungry. Wandering into the kitchen, Charlie found her grandmother looking through a recipe box. Everyone said Christmas was Nona’s time of year. Poppy told her once he believed Nona was one of Santa’s helpers which was why she loved the holiday so much.

Charlie didn’t know about the whole Santa’s helper thing, but she did know that the whole world felt more special at Christmastime. Hopping up on one of the kitchen stools, Charlie watched her grandmother look through stacks of cards.

“Another cookie recipe?”

Nona smiled. “Not exactly. I’m going to make Struffoli. It’s little balls of dough that are fried and then covered with honey and sprinkles.”

“Hmmm. Have we ever had them?”

“I haven’t ever tackled them on my own, but my mother made them every Christmas.”

She loved hearing about Nona’s big Italian family, and she especially liked when Nona’s two brothers, Sam and Joey, came to visit. Uncle Joey always had peppermint candies in his shirt pocket, and the first thing she did when they walked in the house was give both of them big hugs and go through Uncle Joe’s pocket. The best part though, was when Uncle Joey would tell stories about the family and traditions, like the cookie baking, which started with Nona’s grandmother.

There had been a lot of changes since Friday, and she had so many questions to ask, but she didn’t know what to say first. Instead, she watched the lights on the tree in the family room and wondered if what she wanted to know about even mattered. Reaching for the cookie tin decorated with the Santa Claus, she took one of the pretty pizzelle and shook off a little of the powdered sugar.

“Something on your mind, topolina?” Nona always called her that. It meant ‘little mouse’ in Italian.

“Do you think your wish box works?” The wish box was another family tradition Nona said started with her great-grandma back in Italy. The weeks before Christmas were magical. Nona talked about the energy and light that surrounded the holidays, and Charlie understood—she’d always known, even as a little kid, that something was different around Christmas—but she didn’t know if everyone did.

The box was just a fun thing for most of the family, but Charlie took it seriously, waiting for Nona to take it from the shelf in the hall closet and remove it from the heavy red velvet that kept it protected from year to year. After dinner on Thanksgiving night, when the house was filled with people, Nona walked around with slips of paper and had everyone write down what they wished for that year. The wishes were then put in the box. Supposedly there was magic when someone made a wish from the heart.

Every year since she could write, Charlie thought and thought, before her wish went in the box, but it was always the same. She wished for her father.

Her grandmother wasn’t answering, so it made her wonder. Maybe it was just a game. “So, do you think it works?”

“If I didn’t believe it worked, I wouldn’t bring it out every year. Wishes are powerful things.” Pulling a faded recipe from the stack and placing it to the side, Nona sat back and turned toward her. “Why do you ask? Did you put something in the wish box?”

“Just wishes.” That was the truth. She’d never put anything in Nona’s box that didn’t belong there.

“Do you want to tell me what you wished for?”

Weren’t wishes supposed to be secret? Charlie’s heart squeezed tight. Maybe, they were, but telling Nona felt like the right thing to do.

“I wished for my father,” she confided.

Nona’s eyes filled up. “Oh, my girl. That must have been hard for you. Wondering if you would ever know him.”

“I wanted to believe he’d be here someday. I’m glad it finally happened.” Charlie had never been so happy, but she thought about people who she knew weren’t so happy. “I hope maybe will Mommy stop crying now.”

“She cries?”

Uh oh
. Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything. But...

“Sometimes. At night.” She broke off a piece of the cookie before she continued. “Do you think it’s about daddy? I think it is.”

Nona hesitated and then nodded. “Probably. They were very close. Your mother wasn’t herself for a long time, but when you were born, she was happy again.”

Charlie wanted to help her mom be happy all the time. Daddy, too. She could see when they looked at each other they were sad.

“Nona, can I make another Christmas wish and put it in the box?” Charlie knew whatever was going on was private between her mom and dad, but a wish couldn’t hurt, could it?

“Honey, you can put in as many wishes as you like. Let me get it for you.”

Nona went into the dining room and came back with the large, carved box. Charlie loved the box because it meant special things were always possible. She ran her hand over the lid which had a picture of the Christmas star carved in the middle, and all Charlie hoped was that something special would happen for her parents. Nona brought her some paper and a pencil and Charlie thought about what she wanted to write. It was pretty simple.

I want Mom and Dad to be happy THIS Christmas.

Nona smiled when she looked at the paper, then she kissed it for luck before putting it in the wish box. “A little impatient, miss?”

Maybe she was impatient, but some things needed to happen now.

“I guess, but people shouldn’t have to wait to be happy, Nona.”

T
he local rink he reserved was almost deserted as Jake walked with Bree toward the ice. There were a few maintenance guys hanging around and the skate shop was closing for the night, but they had the place to themselves.

The rink felt like home to him just like the hundreds of small arenas he played in as a kid. Christmas wreaths were positioned on the walls all around the ice and Christmas carols were playing quietly over the speakers. When he trained with Ryan the summer he stayed in Holly Point, Jake found the facility more than adequate. But in the ten years he’d been gone, it had been fully renovated.

“Wow. It’s different from the last time I was here.” The cinderblock wall on the far end of the building had been replaced by a wall of windows that faced the harbor and the dark lighthouse. “It’s really a shame the lighthouse isn’t lit anymore.”

“It’s funding. There’s a foundation, my dad is on the board, but they need another big influx of cash to make a go of it. It’s not just the renovation, which it needs, but the upkeep. I miss the light. I grew up with it shining in my window.”

He recalled how the lighthouse cast a soft flickering glow across the town, making it seem like it was from another time and place. He would never forget how the light shone in the apartment window and trickled over Sabrina’s skin as she slept in his bed.

He remembered all too well, and based on the look in her eyes, Bree remembered, too. Which was dangerous. He needed to change the subject.

“Are you ready to skate?”

“No. I’m terrified.”

“Relax,” he said. “It’s ice skating, not sky diving. I won’t let you fall.”

She was holding onto him with a death grip and he could feel how wobbly she was on the skates. It would pass. After getting her legs under her, she would adapt and get a feel for the movement. Skating wasn’t hard, but for some people learning seemed like more effort than it was worth.

“I can’t do this,” she whispered. “Ryan tried and it was a disaster. The last time I actually tried skating, I hurt myself.”

“I won’t let that happen. Promise.” He looked down at her and tried to calm her with a smile, but it wasn’t working. He’d never seen someone so afraid of ice skating.

They arrived at the entrance to the ice and Bree froze. “Jake,” her voice shook. “Can’t we do something else?”

“Do you want to be able to do the family skate with Charlie’s team?”

“I guess.”

He turned her toward him and bent at the knees so he could look into her beautiful green eyes. “It would mean a lot to her. You know it.”

Sabrina nodded. He wondered what happened that made her so afraid. “Let’s go. One step at a time.” He turned and backed onto the ice, reaching out for her. Bree’s hands slipped into his and with her eyes looking down at her feet she took a shaky step forward. “Look at me, honey. Don’t focus on your feet, look at me.”

“But I might trip.”

“You’ll definitely trip if you look down all the time. Look at me, Bree.”

When she did, Jake felt that familiar trip in his chest and when she stepped on the ice, he was unprepared for her sudden stumble. Still, he managed to catch her before she touched down.

“See,” she said. “I can’t do this.”

“You may just need some extra coaching. Keep your feet still and let me do the work. Just so you can get a feel for the ice under you.”

Jake set her feet and then positioned himself behind her, wrapping one arm around her waist, his hand settled on her hip, and he held her free hand with his own. “Don’t move your feet. Just let me move you along.”

He could feel the tension in her body, hear her rapid breathing. When he finally pushed off and started around the rink, he felt her wobble a bit, but then she relaxed and leaned into him. It was an amazing feeling, holding her like this, and it was as close as she’d let him get other than a kiss on the forehead. Their breakup had crushed her, he knew that, and now, holding her, he wanted nothing more than to fix her broken heart. To be the man, the father, he always thought he could be. Jake wanted to be whoever Sabrina needed him to be, and more.

“Okay,” he said after getting halfway around the rink. “How’s that? Better?”

She glanced back at him and nodded. “Now, with your right foot, give a little push.”

“Really?” She sucked in a nervous breath. “What if I can’t?”

“You can. Have faith.”

“I want to, but I’m afraid.” Her voice was barely there and Jake knew her fear wasn’t only about the skating. It was about the past, and it was also about the future; about what they could mean to each other if they went back to what they used to be.

“I know you are, but there’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s just me.” They were at center ice and Jake couldn’t help himself. He stopped, turned her in his arms and gazed down into that beautiful face. One tear ran down her cheek. And Jake’s thumb brushed it away as he cradled her face in his hands. Sabrina wrapped her arms around his waist.

All it took was seeing the look in her eyes, the tracks of her tears, and the emotions hit him like a slap shot to the chest. They’d agreed to try and be friends.
Friends?
No, they were more than that. Why didn’t he see it sooner? Why hadn’t he seen it coming? “Don’t be afraid.”

Please don’t be afraid of me.

“I’m trying. But in case you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of a hot mess.”