This Christmas (13 page)

He smiled and nodded. “I noticed. Why?”

“Everything. I’ve made such a mess of everything.”

“I think there’s more than enough blame to go around, but it won’t do any good now.”

Bree rested her head on his chest and Jake felt the familiar ache in his muscles that let him know his body wanted her. That hadn’t changed. He didn’t think it ever would. More and more, he thought about being with her again. The feelings he had for her, buried for so long, were still there. Now that they had Charlie, he had to find a way for her to see this could work between them. It had to work between them, because the loss he felt when they first broke up, when he’d left her, was bubbling back to the surface.

Holding her tight, so she wouldn’t fall, Jake leaned in and kissed her. His lips brushed over the corner of her mouth and the little intake of breath, the whoosh of air when she exhaled was like music. She still responded to him, and that was like a gift from the heavens. “Sabrina...” he rested his cheek against her hair and held her close, sinking into the familiar feel of her body, the rhythm of her heart.
Damn.
One kiss. One kiss and he was done for.

She trembled beneath his hands and he figured she’d had enough skating for now. It didn’t look like she’d learn tonight, but if she let him back in her life; he’d take on the job of teaching her for the rest of his.

“Hang on to my neck,” he said.

“Why?”

“Trust me,” he said softly. “Please.”

Bree did as he asked and slid her arms around his neck, once he felt her holding tight he scooped her up in his arms. He figured if he skated between the goal line and the blue line, he’d keep his speed down and make her feel comfortable with the motion. All he wanted was for her to feel like she might be able to trust him again.

“How was the tree lighting last night,” he asked. She’d gone to see the big tree in Rockefeller Center. “You went with Cassandra, right?”

“Cass. Yes.”

She shifted and rested her head on his shoulder as he skated slowly and Jake prayed he didn’t say the wrong thing. Holding her like this brought back his best memories. “You had a good time?”

“I did. Mostly.”

He examined her face wondering what she meant. “Problem?”

Bree scrunched up her nose and waggled her head. It was not quite a yes, not quite a no. “Long story, and... I don’t know. I tried to call her earlier, it’s about a guy.”

Jake let it go because he didn’t know Cass, and her issues weren’t his business, but also because he didn’t want Bree to think about her own guy problems.

“I love Christmas music,” she said dreamily about the song that was playing over the loud speaker.

Inside his sweatshirt pocket, he felt his phone buzz and Bree shifted because it vibrated right against her hip. Normally, he wouldn’t answer, but she let go of his neck and rooted through his pocket, retrieving his phone.

“What are you doing?”

“My phone is in my bag in the car. What if it’s about Charlie? There could be an emergency.”

“Bree, she’s with your parents. And your father’s
a doctor
.”

“Still. I’ll only answer it if it’s about her, okay?”

“Okay.”

Bree looked at his phone and Jake knew there was a problem without her uttering a word. He felt her whole body tense and he wondered what had happened to change what was shaping up to be a very good night.

“You should take me home,” she said, her voice as tense as her body.

“Why?” She wasn’t looking at him. She was staring at his phone. “I mean I know this isn’t much of a skating lesson, but it’s not bad, is it?”

Something was definitely wrong though, and he could only interpret her silence as a bad sign of things to come. He did what she asked getting her off the ice. As soon as her feet hit the floor, she handed him his cell and even though she was wobbly, Bree straightened and made her way to the benches.

He stood there, stunned, wondering what made her bolt. What was he going to have to do to get her to trust him? Jake didn’t go right after her because he honestly didn’t know what to do.

Looking down at his phone he pressed to button to wake it up, and proceeded to swear under his breath when he saw the notification.

Missed call: Sydney.

How could his luck possibly be this bad?

J
ake found Sabrina, small and huddled against the cold on a bench outside building. She was obviously upset and Jake felt responsible. He knew he couldn’t help Sydney’s call or bad timing, but Bree didn’t need to feel like she was second best. She never was and she never would be.

Walking up behind her, he removed his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. He’d hoped to see a flash in her eyes, something. Even if they fought, the air would be cleared, but instead she was resigned, defeated.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“I guess.” Bree folded her arms close to her body.

“I should explain?”

Examining her profile in the soft glow cast by the tiny lights strung in the nearby trees, she took his breath away. But he kept a bit of distance between them, ever cautious of overstepping his bounds. It seemed just as they started get close again, something would happen to push them apart.

“Don’t let it bother you, Jake. I’m oversensitive about her.”

“I think you have a right to be. She changed everything for us.”

She ruined us.

“You still see her?”

“Once in a while. I was there for almost two years and her son is a good kid. We hang out sometimes.”

“I didn’t know.”

She wouldn’t know. He saw Destin, Sydney’s son, twice a year. He saw Sydney even less, but his ex lived in New York, and now that he was back, the chance of seeing more of her existed. Considering everyone’s past history, he could understand why Bree was upset.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” He touched her arm gently and she shivered, Jake could almost hear her thinking. “Bree, don’t make this harder than it has to be. We could always tell each other anything. Why don’t we start there?”

Sabrina shook her head. “It’s not the same anymore. Everything is so complicated.”

Jake grabbed her hands to keep her from twisting off her fingers. She was hurting and it killed him to see her like this. “Let me help,” he whispered.

He could see her trepidation. She was so smart, so pretty, so unbearably sweet. Everything about her was soft, feminine. Jake’s hand came up and he caressed her cheek. Her skin was like velvet, and when she pressed her face into his palm, Jake’s heartbeat kicked up the way it always did when she responded to his touch.

As soon as his lips touched her temple, and the cold air around them warmed because of the contact, Jake felt like he’d come home. “I’ve missed you,” he said against her hair.

“I missed you, too. So much.”

The feelings he had for her, the burn that consumed him all those years ago, shot through his body. Being close, touching her, was all it took to remind Jake that the feelings he’d thought were long gone were still there. “Sydney is not in my life. Not in any way you need to worry about.”

As soon as the words left Jake’s mouth, he realized he sounded like he was soothing a brokenhearted lover and maybe he was. Maybe he wanted to soothe her now, since he did nothing to buffer the hurt ten years ago.

He brushed his lips over her cheek and down the side of her face, remembering everything he loved about being close to her. Sabrina fit him, and no one had ever been in tune with him, body and soul, the way she was.

Even with the time that had passed, she was still was the only woman who made him want like this.

Finally, when his lips touched hers, his world lit up like a Christmas tree and Jake felt like a man who had been delivered.

“I don’t want to lose any more time.” He was weak from her, her smell was intoxicating, a cross between peppermint and chocolate, and he was trying to rein in his desire, but failing miserably. With her, he lost all sense of reason. He thought of evenings they spent together doing nothing but kissing. Kissing her was an addiction. Memories of how she felt and how she tasted merged with the reality he held in his arms. Her face hovered near his neck. Her eyelashes brushed against his skin.

“You’re so beautiful, Sabrina.”

“Jake.”

Hearing her say his name again was like forgiveness. She was dissolving in a pool of memories and emotions right before his eyes. Feeling the subtle changes in her body, he grazed her face with his thumb, while his other hand tangled in her hair. Her body shuddered with each touch and his head tilted slightly as he noticed.

“You still tremble when I touch you,” he said.

Her response was nothing more than a hoarse whisper. “Yes.”

Then she looked up. Their eyes held and ever so slowly he bent toward her. Teasing a little, making the most of the moment, their lips finally touched. Then he sealed his mouth over hers and took her in a kiss that was soft at first, but deepened until it seemed their bodies were melting together. Finally, after all this time, Jake was back where he was supposed to be.

B
ree inhaled sharply and her mind began to cloud. Her resistance gave way and she responded to his caress in the only way that seemed natural. His mouth glided over hers while his hands moved from her face and drifted over her shoulders and down her sides, finally settling on the small of her back. She pressed against him; her hands rested on his chest and then, without a second thought, she let her arms wind around his neck.

Surrendering, feeling his heartbeat against hers, feeling the strength in his arms, was like a dream. Like she was eighteen again. Sabrina knew she should get up and walk away. He’d hurt her once and there was a good chance Jake could break her heart again, but no matter how much she tried to will herself to step away from him, she couldn’t. Foolish or not, she’d been wishing for him since the day he left, and while she should have had more strength, more pride, where Jake was concerned there was no holding back.

“If only you’d said something about the baby. You wouldn’t have had to deal with it alone.”

Sabrina looked into his eyes. How could she explain it to him? How did she explain, on one hand, she couldn’t imagine being without him, and on the other how she never wanted to see him again? Bree wasn’t sure herself.

“You’d left me. I didn’t know what to say or do. I was trying to get past thinking about you with her. I could handle just about everything except that.”

He didn’t say anything, for which she was glad. There were no words that could comfort, no way to escape that part of their past. But for the first time in ten years, Sabrina’s heart softened, just a little, and she wondered what it would be like to let him in her life again.

But giving into love—trusting her heart to someone—wasn’t something Bree could handle. Maybe not ever.

W
atching the house grow larger as Jake drove down the long driveway Sabrina didn’t know if she was relieved to be home or sad she had to leave him. The night had been nothing if not a reminder as to why she had to be so careful of her heart around him.

The kiss was proof that she hadn’t gotten over him, and probably never would. She felt safe and protected, but Bree knew there was nothing safe about him. No, Jake would be able to walk in and out of her life if that was what he chose to do. Bree had been warned by more than one person that every woman had a guy like this. One who could own her and destroy her at the same time.