This Christmas (15 page)

But it had. And he didn’t understand any of it.

B
ree changed into a pair of sweats, went to the den, and turned on the TV, hoping for something to distract her. The old sofa almost gave her a hug as she sat down. Warm and familiar, it smelled of her mom’s perfume and her dad’s soap. It was home, the one place that made her feel safe and secure. God knew it was the only place she might be safe from herself.

That was depressing. Reaching out, she picked up the tray of brownies she’d brought from the kitchen. Holly lay at her feet, hoping for a crumb to drop, but Bree was going to make sure not a single bite went to waste. The house was decked out in all the Christmas finery. Gifts were hidden in closets and drawers. There was a dusting of snow outside. Bree should have been counting her blessings, but she was miserable, because plain as day, Jake being back in her life showed her what was had been missing for so long. Jake was the missing piece. She never stopped loving him—she never would—but they couldn’t be together.

Digging into the dark chocolate in her lap, Bree tried to push him out of her head, knowing it was impossible.

“Sabrina? Still up?” Two hours had passed and her father, dressed in a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt, his dark hair mussed, found her still on the couch, nursing a cup of herbal tea.

“I can’t sleep”

“How was skating?” he asked and settled himself next to her on the sofa.

“Okay, I guess.” She cuddled into him as he brought his arm around her, but she couldn’t look at him, couldn’t let him see her face.

How she loved her father. His practice in town was thriving, but he was indulging in a new found passion for writing, and had decided to take on a new pediatrician in his practice. He loved history and was researching his French and Scottish ancestors, hoping to spin what he learned into an epic historical novel. He was the kindest man she knew, the most generous of souls, while still being fiercely protective. She loved him more than words could explain even when she was furious with him for meddling.

He was also Charlie’s partner in crime.

“I hear you’re poisoning my daughter with sweets,” she stated with mock seriousness.

“You betcha, poisoned you and your brother, too,” he said. “So, did you have a good time?”

He didn’t miss a beat. His question was so direct, so to the point, it threw her a little. She could never lie to him, he’d see right through her. So, she decided to be equally straightforward.

“I can’t skate worth a damn, and being alone with Jake again was... confusing.”

“He didn’t do anything, did he?”

“No. Nothing.” She sipped her tea. “It was a nice time.” Why was she lying? God, this was absurd. She should at least be able admit her feelings.

“A nice time?” One dark eyebrow shot up past the rim of his glasses.

Bree smiled, because that was
so
believable, but sobered when her dad set his face in a know-it-all father look. He knew she wasn’t being honest with him or with herself, for that matter, but he wasn’t going to call her on it. He would just wait.

It was no use.

“Fine, I’m a lost cause where he’s concerned,” she admitted.

“I figured. What are you going to do? If you need me to take care of him, let me know.” He stretched and took the last piece of brownie from the tray she’d obliterated. “I’m a doctor. There will be no evidence.”

“That’s not funny, Daddy.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be.”

“Great. I think Charlie might have a problem with that.”

“I don’t want him near either of my girls.” He paused, thinking. “Unless that’s what
you
want.”

Forcing the tears down, Bree allowed herself to admit what she wanted when her father pulled her close. “I want him, Daddy. I always have.”

“Then you’re going to have to screw up your courage and go after what you want.”

She looked up at her father and then stretched up her hand to feel his forehead. “Are you sick? You want me to get back together with him? You hate Jake.”

“I don’t hate him. I don’t
trust
him, but the bottom line is, I want you happy, Bree. That’s all. But you have to take responsibility for that happiness.”

“This sucks. Why does it have to be so hard?”

“What? Being with someone? I’m married to your mother. Don’t ask me.”

“Mama loves you, Daddy. She does.”

“Oh, I know that, but she makes me work for it, and that’s okay.”

“I have to work for it? Is that what you’re saying?”

“How is this different than any other advice I’ve given you?” He rubbed a hand over his chin, contemplating his next question, but before he had a chance to speak, Bree snapped.

“Great. I’m almost thirty years old and I’m getting a life lesson.”

“What makes you think life lessons stop at some arbitrary age? You never stop learning, and in your case, you seem to have forgotten something—you have to work for what makes you happy.”

She turned her face and met her dad’s eyes. “I’m so scared. Tonight I... I just... it was nice between us. I want to believe everything could be that good all the time, but I don’t know if it can be.”

“Nice?”

She hesitated, but then couldn’t hold back and the words shot out of her mouth. “I mean I didn’t expect it...”

Seeing where this was going, he held up his hand before she could elaborate. “Obviously
something
happened. Quite frankly, I don’t want to know, but I’m going to tell you this again: you have all the control here.”

“Control? How do you figure that?” she shot back. “You don’t understand how hard this is for me.”

“No kidding it’s hard. But we’ve been through this a hundred times. You were feeling the same kind of fear when you first found out you were pregnant. You can’t let what’s happened in the past stop you from having a future.”

Bree slipped her arms around her dad’s waist and curled against him, looking for some kind of protection. But she wasn’t going to find what she was looking for. Her father loved her—unconditionally—but that love wasn’t going to protect her heart. He was right, she either had to resign herself to the fact that she and Jake wouldn’t be together, or she had to embrace the possibility of a life with him. If she went with the first option, she’d be miserable simply because she didn’t try. If she took a risk and tried to work things out with him, she could get the biggest and best payoff of her life.

In response, her dad rubbed his hand up and down her back in the same gentle motion she remembered from her childhood when he’d tried to soothe her after a bad dream.

“It’ll be all right, baby,” her father crooned.

“I’m not a baby anymore, Daddy.”

His hand stopped for a moment and then resumed its gentle motion. “Sabrina, you will always be my baby.”

N
ew experiences were becoming the norm, and Jake had no idea what was expected as he escorted Charlie into the elementary school father-daughter holiday dance. This was an entirely new scene for him and it was times like these that the anger he felt for being kept out of Charlie’s life, bubbled to the surface.

Sure, Bree had been great the past few weeks about letting him spend time with his daughter, but he should have spent the last nine years with her. The anger, however, was short lived because when it came to Bree, he couldn’t stay mad.

Not that he’d even had the chance to have a fight with her because she’d been avoiding him since their explosive kiss a couple of weeks ago. That night he thought they’d turned a corner, and started to make their way back to each other, but except for the contact they had because of Charlie, there’d been no more kisses. Jake was lucky if he got a two sentence conversation and it killed him because he wanted so much more.

He’d missed her over the past ten years, but getting to know her again, as a grown woman, and a mother, brought his feelings to a whole new level.

He’d stopped in at her physical therapy practice one morning, hoping to get her to agree to go get coffee with him so they could talk, but instead, he watched her work with an elderly patient.

The woman, who was struggling with arthritis in her knees, was getting discouraged because her progress was slow, but Sabrina wouldn’t let her quit. Her technique was a combination of firmness and compassion. She understood people intuitively which served her well in her professional life. Those traits were also what made her a wonderful mother. There was no doubt Bree’s patient had total confidence in her and, as a result, got through the session feeling like she’d accomplished something.

While he’d watched Sabrina work, he realized he was going to have to do a lot more than pay her lip service. In many ways, she possessed the sweetness she had when she was younger, but now she was so much more, and he was going to have to show her not only how much he needed her, but how much he wanted to make a life with her.

Looking down at Charlie, who was dressed in a beautiful, dark red velvet dress, he warmed at the site of his child beside him. Once again, images of Bree holding her as an infant flashed through his mind and Jake marveled at the life they’d created. His daughter’s hand was wrapped in his and she wore a smile that made him feel ten feet tall.

The entrance of the gym had been transformed into the gateway to the North Pole with large candy canes flanking the doorway. Once he walked inside, he felt like he was no longer in Holly Point. The room sparkled. Snowflakes hung from the ceiling, and twinkle lights and gold and silver ornaments decorated the Christmas trees encircling the room. Tables had red and green table cloths, with poinsettias at the center. Even Jake, who hadn’t felt much like celebrating anything for the past ten years, smiled. He squeezed Charlie’s hand and let her lead him to her friends and their fathers.

Introductions were easy, and he settled into easy conversation about sports and family.

He expected to feel a little awkward because everything was so new, but it also affirmed for Jake that having a family was on the top of his Christmas list. If things went like he wanted them to, he might actually get his wish.

Music started and the little girls grabbed their dads’ hands and pulled them to the center of the gym to dance to
Jingle Bell Rock.
Jake figured his life was pretty much perfect.

A
n hour later, he watched Charlie by the refreshment table with a group of girls from her class. They were smiling and giggling—everything
seemed
fine. Several women from the mothers’ group were behind the table, helping with refreshments, and Jake noticed that one of them, a redhead with a very tight sweater and a snarl on her face, was eyeing him.

“Who are the women behind the table,” he asked. A teacher from the high school, Dan Russo, turned to answer. Dan coached the high school hockey team along with his job teaching biology, so he and Jake hit it right off. His daughter, Lara, was in Charlie’s class.

Dan leaned back in his chair and rested an ankle on the opposite knee. “The mothers’ group committee. It seems the same people are always volunteering. The brunette at the end is my wife, Kristan. The blonde on the other end is Jane. She’s a doll, never has a bad thing to say about anyone.” He looked around the room and pointed to a big man who could have played Santa if they’d given him a red suit. “She’s married to the village mayor, Ray Hamilton. The redhead is Amanda Lake. And the reason she’s giving you the stink eye is because she and Sabrina’s brother Ryan had something going and it didn’t work out.”